Friday, September 30, 2011

Will You Idiots Make Up Your Goddamn Minds?

The only thing more hilarious than Rick Perry is watching him shove is foot so far down his throat he'll be shitting toenails for the next few weeks.

See, in the recent debate, Perry got himself in trouble with the TEAbaggers and Teavangelists when he announced that, following in True States Rights tradition (which, for those who aren't native to the United States, means that this fool thinks Texas, one of the biggest Welfare states in the Union, could survive a day by itself. We keep tell them to shut up and do it then, but they don't, because they know. Today, State's rights are uniformly used to couch bigoted principles. Whenever someone brings up 'State's rights' on certain issues, it's because they're a bigot, usually a homophobic one), state should be allowed to decide whether or not they want to pass gay marriage laws.



The only thing more bigoted than a Teavangenlist and Teabagger is Great Uncle Phil, who swears up and down that the South won and Nazi Germany was our ally during World War II, who helped us fight against those damn dirty Commies in the Soviet Union ('cuz while America might fight side-by-side with communists, Amurika would do no such thing. And Amurika is the real deal. I'm not sure about this America place). The current "OMGPANIKPPLZ" issue on the right is Marriage Equality. They don't like this, because it insults their concept of masculinity, attacks their hierarchical structure, and flies right in the face of their repressed sexuality (whether they're straight, bi, or actual armored closet cases). Yeah, they talk shit about Leviticus and Deuteronomy, but only the parts their Pastor told them. You won't hear anything about shellfish or ham, and if you do, it's that Jay-sus gave them his magical, invisible stamp of approval. Of course it's right - they do it on a daily basis. Or something stupid like that.

Well, Rick "Texas Thug" Perry, in a fine example of "sometimes it's better just to shut up and say nothing at all", took a stand for States Rights. That states should be allowed to have marriage equality. Unfortunately, you can only imagine how many Teabaggers and Teavangelists went into a frothy, whip-creamy mix when they picked up on this. And now he's backtracking - without backtracking.
I asked spokesman Mark Miner if Perry still held held to his view that states should be allowed to decide the issue of gay marriage. He said, “Governor Perry is personally opposed to gay marriage, and worked in Texas to pass a constitutional amendment that defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman. Governor Perry supports a federal Defense of Marriage amendment, but until that passes, Governor Perry support states’ ability to protect themselves with laws that define marriage between a man and women. Most importantly, Governor Perry believes we cannot support gay marriage being imported to other states against their will — where those states are forced to recognize gay marriages licensed in other states. That’s why a federal amendment — which requires a majority of states to ratify — is in order.”
Let the states decide. With the Federal Government to enforce. Now that's true state's rights, right there.
There are two problems with that. First, Perry said in his book that he’d support states’ ability to pass gay marriage; now he’s saying he’d support their desire to protect themselves against it. And second, in his book and in statements at the Aspen Institute, he never referred to a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. In fact, he suggested that it was a positive thing in and of itself to allow states to choose rules for themselves. This answer, if not challenged, may fly. But Santorum will no doubt be ready to pounce in the next debate.
So, to clarify: he's all for states defining marriage - as long as it eclipses with what he wants. Alternative, what we have here is a man who wants to ban gay marriage nationwide, but until then, is going to allow states to legalize it.

Will you asshats over there on the right make up your fucking minds? Do you even have fucking minds? If I pop open your skull, will a parrot fly out spewing FOX noise garbage and Rush Limbaugh? If I go fishing in that moral sewage container you call a brain, will I find anything other than shit, bullshit, and holy shit? Are you for States rights or against them? Are you for limited government or against it? Are you pro-life or anti-life? Are you just stupid or really fucking stupid?

But, alas, it's not like Blackwhite is anything new to the Republicans and their Teavangalist and Teabagger base. Oh heavens no - their entire movement is based on Blackwhite thinking. The only reason this house of cards doesn't collapse is because their ability to ignore reality is rivaled only by the Orks in WH40k.

Tell me, Perry - and the rest of you Teavangelists and Teabaggers: do the red ones go faster?

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