Saturday, September 3, 2011

Feeling Spiteful

I've got writer's block, so I've put most of my fiction on hold until I can straight this out inside of my head. It's not something I want to do; I enjoy writing fiction, and when I can't, I become a little grumpy and spiteful. What's more, I can't sleep; insomnia isn't a regular friend of mine but I am involved in an extended relationship with it. So I'm double grumpy. Thankfully, I have a blog and a means to focus on my favorite target to take my spite and general grumpiness out on - everyone's favorite Fundies over on FTSDT.

Quote Number 1 (from mdancin4theLord):
You had a picture of buttons with sayings on them......
One said........Pro-family, pro-children, pro-choice.

This is laughable. You can't be pro-choice and say that you are pro-children. The fact that you are a pro-abort...based on choice....says that you want abortion LEGAL SO THAT SOME WOMEN HAVE THE CHOICE TO KILL.

You are not are pro-abortion.

It is sad to know to think that you would be pro-abortion even until natural delivery. So so sad. You say no woman should be forced to go through a pregnancy that she does not want to continue....this would also mean you would condone a late term abortion. I mean playin devils adovacate would not want to enslave someone who does not want to be pregnant...right? It would be hypocritical to say your pro-choice and deny any woman the right to kill......throughout the entire nine months.
How sad, especially because you say you are a Christian.

Would you mind showing me scripture and making Gods case for abortion.
Would you mind showing me where it doesn't? "Thou shalt not murder" doesn't count.

You can only deal so many times with these stupid people who have never read the damn book they quote from. Notice the cute little semantics game asshat tries to play here: "You're not pro-life... [ellipse for suspense] you are The Evil Doctor Mime!"

Pro-abortion. That's pretty funny coming from someone who more than likely supports the death penalty. They only matter if they're still in the womb! We support Conception to Birth mandated government control over women's wombs in the name of LAWD. After that, screw the little boogers. They ain't gettin' none of my (read: the government's) tax dollars.

Oh, and a PSA message to the Anti-choicers out there:

Your own fucking book is "pro-abortion":
-If men strive, and hurt a woman with child, so that her fruit depart from her, and yet no mischief follow: he shall be surely punished, according as the woman's husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges determine. And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life. -- Exodus 21:22-23

-And if it be from a month old even unto five years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male five shekels of silver, and for the female thy estimation shall be three shekels of silver. -- Leviticus 27:6

-Number the children of Levi after the house of their fathers, by their families: every male from a month old and upward shalt thou number them. And Moses numbered them according to the word of the LORD. -- Numbers 3:15-16

Would it honestly kill you people to actually read the goddamn thing, rather than shooting off at the mouth with your head rammed so far up your ass it's jammed somewhere between your colons and lower intestinal tract?

Quote # 2 (russell182):
In fact STD's are a divine process to prevent homosexual overpopulation


Sweet holy pogo-sticks it's too late in the evening to even deal with this...

Quote #3 (a Free Republic quote, ftw!)
Well that depends on how you define "good parent" doesn't it. Suppose Adam and Steve are living together with Adam's 13 year old biological son named Billy. Adam and Steve both love little Billy, who is now approaching adolescence and starting to wonder about girls and about what it means to be a man. Little Billy hears daddy getting corn-holed every night by Steve. "Ughhh ughhh ughhh....oh Steve, oh yes, put it in me.....". And you're going to sit here and try to tell me that this is not going to screw with little Billy's head? You're going to tell me that this is not going to confuse little Billy about what it means to be a man? About how he should interact with other men and with women?

I don't care if Adam and Steve say they love little Billy or not, it's child abuse. They are screwing with the kids head. John Lennon once said "all you need is love". Well you know what, John Lennon was full of crap. It takes more than love and good intentions. And just because you use the word "love" in a sentence, it doesn't mean that everything you do is therefor AOK. You want to play statistical games with me? Bring it on, pal. I'll show you a hell of a lot more statistics that show that children raised in "loving" gay home have about a zillion times more probability of long term mental problems. (Ya, ya, I know, you're going to tell me that "I know this guy who" was raise by gay parent and turned out to be a wonderful person, etc. etc., as if I were actualy going to believe you.)

Practicing gays raising children is child abuse, and this has been shown by study after study, covering thousands of children, across decades of time. Love is NOT "all you need" (Ya, ya, I know, this makes me an evil, bigoted, homophobic gay basher.)
Bwhahahaha: "Little Billy hears daddy getting corn-holed every night by Steve. "Ughhh ughhh ughhh....oh Steve, oh yes, put it in me....." - that is the single most stupidly epic line I've ever read. Wow... just ... wow. That reads like some USDA grade-F slash fics.

I can't stop laughing. I'm not sure if it's the stupid, me being tired, or if it's because of the loving details just lavished into that mental image (probably a mix of the three), but something is there that just strikes me as so... I don't even know where to start.

Oh please. It's not like the basement dwelling mouth-breathing knuckle-draggers over at the Free Republic even know how to be "men." Their notion of what it means to be a "man" is dated by at least 200 years, if not more. Their notion of a man boils down to: "I have a penis! Worship the mighty pen... wait, hang on, I have to find the damn thing again... Oh well. I have an epeen! Worship my epeen!"

I personally think being raised in a house where "God's love" is taught through the fear of Hell and eternal torment is child abuse. Of course, that's probably the environment this guy came from, so I present to you ... Exhibit A: almost every poster ever on the Free Republic. He'll show you a hundred more made up statistics quoted by from hate groups like the AFA!

Speaking of the AFA, ever notice how groups that claim to be pro-Family... aren't? Why, it's almost like they'd be the same groups that claim to be pro-Life, and pro-America, and... Why, if I didn't know any better, I'd say they were compensating for something. Hmm...

"[...] daddy getting corn-holed every night by Steve. "Ughhh ughhh ughhh....oh Steve, oh yes, put it in me....." *snerk*

Quote #4: (Operation Save America Brochure):

[The rest of the brochure is equally disturbing]

Homosexuality, Islam, and abortion have
something in common. They are three
different colored gloves covering the same
fist. Abortion is a crimson glove (stained
with the blood of our pre-born children).
Homosexuality is a pink glove (stained with
the blood of young men and women given
over to their own lust, and stained with the
blood of nations that approve of such
behavior). Islam is a black glove (stained
with the blood of Christians, Jews, and
anyone else who dares disagree with the false
“god” Allah and his demon possessed
prophet Mohammed). Three different
colored gloves, yet the same fist. It is the fist
of him who robs, kills, and destroys. That’s
right, I’m talking about the devil himself!
We are not unaware of his schemes.
Homosexuality, Islam, and abortion have one thing in common, alright: the fact they have nothing in common (Well, aside from the fact that all involve humans).

Wait. How can multiple gives fit on the same wrist. I have enough problems getting one on my hand half the time. How the hell do you fit two of them on your hand?

Now I'm picturing that poor kid from A Christmas Story... "Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense." Only, with my hand. "My hand lay there like a slug. It was it's only defense. Now, If I could take all these damn gloves off..."

They go on the hand of Vecna!

Congratulations, you've found the hand of Vecna. All you need now is the eye and his three gloves and you'll have a compete set. Vecna's hand would look so stunning with the a pink, blood-soaked glove that has black stripes.

(Those who don't have the first fucking clue what I'm babbling on about can find out here, at the Wikipedia article.)

Oh, wait. The devil himself. Not a capital D. Just some some random noun, lower case 'd'. It's obviously a name damn it. Why isn't that capitalized? I have excuses (this isn't a professionally published blog; that is a professionally published brochure). They do not.

We are not unaware of his schemes. We're just unaware of the fact you have to capitalize any proper noun, that's all. Unless we're talking about Tzeentch; that must be the devil they're talking about. Then you're only aware of his plans if he wants you to be. So you'd better think twice before you go unarmed into a battle of wits with the Greatest Chess Master in the known universe.

We know what God Satan wants! And he wants different colored gloves, because these ones are really, really tacky!

Quote #5 (Rabbi Baruch Emanuel Erdstein):
Drinking unsupervised milk causes agnosticism. The milk may in fact be 100% from a kosher animal, but if no Jewish person was present to watch the milking, it has the effect of casting doubts in our core beliefs.
It's a well documented that those slick cows will slip potent Agnosticism Pills (TM) into our milk if we're not careful. And one drink of that will turn a person away from YWHW for G-d only knows how long.

We gotta have a Jewish person there to sample every container of freshly obtained moo-cow juice. Otherwise, it'll cast aspersions on the fact that the animal is keeping 100% kosher and not eating any shellfish or insects. And we can't have that. We gotta keep those damn cows on a strictly 100% kosher diet.

Quote # 6 (Brian Fischer):
Nearly half of Muslims in the US say that they think of themselves first as Muslims rather than Americans. Now that's a problem. It's not a problem when a Christian says that. For the Christian to say "I am a Christian first and an American second," that's what we all ought to say. Our ultimate allegiance is not to country, not to the Constitution, it's to God and the the Scripture. If you have to make a choice between the two, we must obey God rather than man.

But when a Christan says "I'm a Christian first and an American second," the fact that he is a Christian first, he's got devotion and allegiance to Jesus Christ means he's going to be a better American. He's going to be an asset to his country, he's going to love his country, he's going to become more fervent in his patriotism. His love for his country and for its traditions are going to deepen because those traditions are rooted in the soil of the Judeo-Christian tradition.

Now if you have a Muslim, on the other hand, that says that - "I am a Muslim first and an American second" - look out! Because that indicates his ultimate devotion is to the Quran, it's to Allah, it's to Muhammad. It's not to Jesus Christ, it's not to the Judeo-Christian tradition, it is not to American values and American tradition and American history and American heroes - it is to Allah and Allah tells him to slay the idolaters wherever you find them.

So the more devout a Muslim gets, the more of a threat he becomes to America's nation security.
Tl;dr: It's okay when we Christians call ourselves "Christian-Americans" (honestly, I've never seen that, but hey...). It's an expression of our patriotism. It's wrong and evil and anti American when Muslims call themselves Muslim-Americans. It's an expression of them trying to kill us.

That noise you hear is the noise of my back brain chomping on the front of my brain, refusing to believe that someone could so breathlessly assert two entirely oppositional claims. This is a stunning display of black/white. Big Brother would be so proud of you, Brian!

Someone should inform him that the Germans shouldn't be allowed into this country because they worship an alien entity called "Gott". Or the Spanish, because they worship "Dios". Or the French, because they worship "Dieu" (it's my understanding that Dieu is really a Moon God). Or even the Jews, who worship this thing called "Adonai" or "Elohim." Really, all of these different people, and none of them worship the Judeo-Christian God! Not even the Jews (but then, we knew that. Liberal bastards)! How horrific is that! It must be a side effect of that "European secularization" I keep hearing about. That or the Muslim God "Allah" is a tricky fellow and has changed his name. That must be it! Gott, Dios, Dieu, Adonai, Elohim, Bog, Deus, Deo, Zot, Theos, Bondye and all the others must be referring to the same fellow - the Muslim Allah! Oooh... He's sly devil, isn't he? Next thing you know, people will be saying that God is another name for him ... O.o

When I do it, it's because I love America (except for when I don't.) When they do it, it reminds me that they aren't part of my group, so I won't let them do it.

It makes perfect sense.


Ah... I think I pretty much wore myself out here. I hope you enjoyed tonight (or morning, where I'm at right now at 2:22am). Maybe next time, I'll bring in a Pagan fundie or two and, if I can find one, a rare secular fundie (I know they exist, but boy are they hard to find). All fundies deserve equal mocking, regardless what kind they are.

G'nite, folks.


  1. I just finished watching Videodrome. However quote 2 was the straw that broke my brain.

    I also offer my services as a writers' block breaker. Tho this may also be a case of "Physician heal thyself." as I also have a story that I'm stuck on. It's... special interest literature.

  2. Drinking unsupervised milk causes agnosticism. The milk may in fact be 100% from a kosher animal, but if no Jewish person was present to watch the milking, it has the effect of casting doubts in our core beliefs.

    Hang on, how exactly does this work? My Jewish family went on a tour of a local farm a few months back. If we watched them milk cows, did we accidentally convert a bunch of people to Judaism? I don't want that kind of power.