Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Personhood Laws Are Anything But

First, an apology for the lack of updates. I've been busy lately (I cleaned my room. Don't look at me like that - this was a four day project to clean out seven years of dust, mildew, mold, and whatever the hell that funny smelling thing was in the corner; I haven't cleaned it this well since my depression first kicked in over 10 years ago, and it was my depression that kept me from cleaning it. This was actually a really big step for me.)

Anyway here I am and I'm back, and I'm bringing a heaping helping of stupid misogyny along with me. I love to pick on these people; they're so incredibly dense and self-righteous that they're easy targets. Think back to when you were a kid, and you saw your friend blowing bubbles. You couldn't resist popping them; it's like bubble wrap, with the exception that bubble wrap has more substance and is more useful to society.

First, some garbage called "heartbeat laws," and some insight into the twisted mind that creates them. A heartbeat law basically criminalizes abortion if a heartbeat is detected. Now, I should hope that they don't mean the mother's heartbeat, but knowing these evil fools, they probably don't make that distinction.

I should note that this nonsense applies to all cases, not just the few - rape, incest, and the health of the mother - that conservatives usually begrudgingly grant. This is backed by "Captain Caveman," (which, honestly, is an insult to a perfectly good superhero from Flintstone Kids and please don't tell me I'm the only who remembers that cartoon), the chairman of the Orwellian-named "Health Committee". They're trying to apply this to all levels of government - by calling Phil the Fetus in to testify. Just grant us your heartbeat Phil, and we'll save you. Hold on, little buddy, hold on... *sniff*

If this is frustrating (and really, this stuff eats me alive, but I make fun of it because if I don't, I'll cry or get angry), just repeat the conservative mantra about abortion: Life begins at conception and ends at birth.

Apparently, Ohio has one of these on the books that's so extreme even the Ohio Right to Lies Life organization isn't backing it. Of course, it's not nearly extreme enough for some of these freaks of nature, and thus, much pearl clutching ensued. The leaders of the "Personhood Movement" (no relation to the Great Ape Personhood Movement, although I'm sure you'll find plenty of damn dirty apes inside of this movement nevertheless) are upset that there were exceptions for the life of the mother involved in the bill (breath deep: life begins at conception and ends at birth). There are "no exceptions," one such ape named Johnson writes for WhirledNutDaily (quoted from Ring Wing Watch):

Johnson is outraged that the bill has exceptions for cases where the life of the mother is at stake, which he says is “never justified,” and is angered that it doesn’t require the state to charge women with murder for having an abortion: “This bill specifically exempts the mother from prosecution. Why does the bill exempt accomplices?”
Why indeed. Why don't we just criminalize those women... oh wait. They're already dead. Never mind. Heh. that solves the problem, doesn't it? Of course it does.

I'd point out this is a male writing this, but that goes without saying so I won't bother. Just be reminded, Johnson, since you lack the birth canal, my next best analogy is pissing a full-grown toddler (because that qualifies as "baby" to you people; I see it all the damn time on those stupid right to life posters) through your urethra. Think about that next time.

I almost wish I could force him to go through that. I'd do it in a heartbeat. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, right? You lack the necessary plumbing, but hey, we can make do. Ghetto-rig this thing; fuck you biology, we'll make this work. Hope you brought a mop.

He calls them "preborn babies." Say what you will about their intellectual capacities and their honesty (and believe you me, I say a lot), their control over language is something to be envied. The doublespeak and duckspeak here is on level with anything Big Brother would turn out. Shit, you're making big brother green with envy. But then, I've expected nothing else from the anti-choice movement.

Oh, and as if we needed anymore evidence that, for these people, life begins at conception and ends a birth, check this out:
Last month, the South Dakota House tabled a bill that would have legalized the murder of doctors who perform abortions by classifying it as “justifiable homicide.” Now the Nebraska Senate is weighing a bill that would amend the state’s self-defense code “to authorize protection of an unborn child.” Under the amendment proposed by the fiercely anti-choice state Sen. Mark Christensen, a “third person or person to be protected includes an unborn child” which “means an individual member of the species Homo sapiens at any stage of development in utero.


Along with the personhood bill under consideration in Iowa, the state House plans to consider HF 7, a bill that expands the right to use deadly force to protect a third party. Essentially, by declaring that a zygote and a fetus have all of the same legal rights as a “person” while also broadening the legal protections regarding the reasonable use of deadly force, the bill opens the door for attacks on abortion providers. Criminal defense attorney Todd Miler told The Iowa Independent that since HF 7 “explicitly provides that people have a right to defend themselves or others at any place they are legally allowed to be,” if someone attempted “to kill a physician or a clinic worker, and if they did so while believing they were protecting another person, which would be defined under House File 153 as a fetus, then, under this law, they would have the right to do that.”
Yep. Now you can go and legally shoot yourself a gynecologist. Cut the head off and mount it on your wall, too. That one was a 5 pointer, but next week, I'm going after a bigger, 10 pointer. You know, there's a negative effect her that nobody is thinking of; all this argument and danger is breeding a new generation of gynecologists who won't know how to do any abortion procedures at all, even if it did mean saving the mother's life. They won't even have to make it illegal; their won't be anyone here who could do them anyway.

Of course, that just means that the conservatives win anyway. If they can't win in the courts, they win by threatening violence. That's how bullies usually win, anyway.

Can we call them traitors yet? Can we call them terrorists? Can we call them dangers to society? Is now the time when armed liberals take up positions outside of these clinics, willing to shoot the anti-choice assholes because they believed they were protecting a third party (in this case, the clinic workers and physicians)? Can you imagine the screaming if that happened? I can. It isn't pretty. I don't want it to happen. But fuck if we aren't speeding headlong into that.

Just remember - they're God's Own Pro Coat-hanger Brigade, proudly carrying their Pro Coat-hanger attitude into the seventeenth century, marching lock and step with their Divine Abortionist into oblivion. I just hope they don't manage to take the rest of us down with them, the kyriarchic douchebags. This also reminds me of how these men (obviously White) were telling Blacks how abortion was the leading cause of death in their "race" (because, as we all know, the Amhara from Ethiopia are exactly the same as the Igbo from Nigeria, there's no difference). Naturally, these 'splainers were White, they were Men, and they were preaching their anti-choice message in the most racially offensive way possible: "you're a Black Woman. You can't have an abortion because you're killing off your race." These people are tone deaf to reason, privilege, and their own idiosyncratic stupidity. Except when they're not, like the Free Republic, in which case they're disgusting wastes of good CHON molecules.

Oh, but that's nothing on this: apparently, in the world of conservative doublethink and duckspeak, the death penalty is pro-life.

Now, whether or not it's pro-life is moot, because we established above that conservatives are far from pro-life. They're merely anti-choice; whether it's done an heatbeat law or a hair-trigger, they're damn determined to force their views of the world  on everyone, fed lies on a daily basis by FUX noise and other networks. So it doesn't matter what asshole here thinks about the death penalty, because he was never pro-life anyway. He was just anti-choice.

So naturally it makes sense, and is rather illuminating, to see that he's pro-death penalty. I won't go into detail with this essay - I lack the patience too tonight, the mental gymnastics are dizzying and too much of this garbage is justified by the Bible, and tackling God's Own Pro Coat-Hanger Brigade (GOPCHB) made me feel ill enough. I will say this, though: once you accept that "pro-life" means "anti-choice," the idea of putting someone to death makes sense. You're willing to sentence women to death for having children, why not extend that to someone else, too?

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