Saturday, October 8, 2011

I Got A Rock...

Child 1: "I got five pieces of candy!"
Child 2: "I chocolate bar!"
Child 3: "I got a quarter!"
Child 4: "I got a rock."

Halloween is my favorite holiday. I enjoy it more than I enjoy Christmas, and I never really understood what the importance of some goofy rabbit jumping around and giving me eggs was (although those Cadbury eggs are positively addicting.) I know the full story of Halloween - how it's a pagan holiday, celebrated not just in England but anywhere they had a harvest season - and how they carved squash (because pumpkins are from the new world, silly Evangelical), and how it was a matter of respect towards the dead, and all that good stuff. People still follow the holiday for what it meant before the early Catholic Church appropriated it in an attempt to win over converts. That's fine for them. For me, Halloween has come to represent a fun time when you can be something you're not normally, a chance to have fun and be a little scared, and a chance to pig out on candy and not feel bad the following morning.

Alas, Halloween is gravely misunderstood by the same Christians who appropriated it all those centuries ago. Never is this more clearer than those kooky Right-wingers who somehow think that it's Satan's night (because Hallowed ground is apparently land damned to Hell - I didn't get this memo for the Right-wing word redefinition project, but apparently this is rapidly becoming the case). This is especially egregious in the Chick Tracts, but nobody cares if those are accurate. They're good for a laugh and that's it.

Well, speaking of being good for a laugh, Conservative Christians are always good for a laugh, when they're not making you want to rip your hair out or beat yourself into a coma banging your head into a desk. As I linked to in the opening vignette (points if you can catch the reference), there's a new thing going around in the anti-fun crowd. It's called "Jesus-ween."

Apparently, "ween", as the Slacktivist pointed out, is a suffix to these people.

That or they're trying to be horribly cutesy and failing miserably.

The concept, I'll begrudge them, is one partially well intended. The page says that it's an effort to get people to volunteer more - that's cool. I can totally support that.

However, ruining Halloween by handing out mini-Bibles and religious literature?

Well, at least the kids will know which houses to avoid.

Child 1: "Gee, I got a candy bar."
Child 2: "Boy, I got thick cookies!"
Child 3: "Hey, I got a package of gum!"
Child 4: "I got a rock."


  1. When Charley Brown grew up, he joined the Foreign Service. On the final day of training all the graduates were comparing their first assignments.

    Lucy: I got England.
    Linus: I got Aruba.
    Schroder: I got Canada.
    Charley: I got Iraq.

  2. (although those Cadbury eggs are positively addicting.)

    But icky goop! Ruining perfectly good* Cadbury!

    *Yes, even if it's American. I had a side-by-side comparison taste test once and couldn't tell the difference anyway.

    a chance to pig out on candy and not feel bad the following morning.

    Not feel guilt, maybe. I once ate all the candy from a Halloween party (not even the main trick-or-treating) in one go. Never making that mistake again.

    (points if you can catch the reference)

    Gentile. My bologna is Hebrew National. (And it's very hard to come by, even during visits to the States. I will be upset if my freezer stash doesn't thaw well.)
    Next you're going to tell me you eat pork strips instead of Real True Bacon (made of beef, of course).

  3. Beef Bacon? What an age we live in... :D