Tuesday, November 29, 2011

And Here's That Family Shit Again...

Enigma's had a rough day today. So you know what that means, don't you?

That's right! It's time to pull up the scratching post and eviscerate me some Republican stupidity. So go ahead and pull up a seat - today's victims privileged assholes pretending to be victims are Focus on Patriarchy, and the application that they ask for college students to fill out for their "Focus Leadership Institute", which, as you can probably tell by the name, is a very reputable institution.

So, let's have some fun, shall we?

A head's-up to any ring wingers who might be reading right now: No, I'm not interested in entertaining you in a debate. I don't particularly care to. Everything you could possibly say has been said before. And shot down. Everything you could possibly claim is a lie or built on one. Nothing you have is original. Nothing you have is even worth my patience. So go ahead - whine about how that mean old liberal won't engage you in a debate that you'll never participate in anyway. Please, do so in the comments. I like eating vowels. They're part of my regular dietary in take. In so many other words: Fuck off, homophobic bigoted garbage post kids.

Focus on the Patriarchy has a very colored reputation. They're a highly respected institution, known for their unbiased studies and their accurate depiction of a Bible-based society that America was originally intended to be by our semi-legendary Founding Fathers, all men with the purest intentions for God and Faith when they framed the Constitution. If there was an institution that cut closer to the cloth of what was originally intended for America than Focus on the Patriarchy, it'd have to be the Ku Klux Klan. So, like any good American institution, it come as no surprise that they're warning others of indoctrination while doing the same themselves.

The introduction from their application:
Focus Leadership Institute™, commissioned by Focus on the Family®,
exists to provide a unique Christian educational community that
sharpens passionate and persuasive leaders who are committed to
Jesus Christ, equipping them to promote healthy families, vibrant
churches and a civil society.
That's cute. They've trademarked it. Apparently they're damn determined to let other people give those words a better name. I'm reminded of the emoticons from Rapture Ready - they're absolute adorable until you read the posts. You just want to liberate them, and put them to better use. Unfortunately, you can't with these words so alas, it's time to boot them out of the English language, like we should've done with this institution and politics a long time ago.

By "unique Christian educational community" they mean "everyone exercises the basic facets of groupthink." Don't believe me? Of course you don't! A right-wing organization, trying to enforce groupthink on people involved? C'mon people, you should know better than that - half the time there's no force involved at all!

Page 2 - blah blah blah college tuition, credit hours, and other garbage. Application fee non-refundable. I'm half tempted to send this puppy in with 30 dollars worth of Monopoly money, with 500 dollars of tuition - that's 500 dollars that you'll never get back, to learn basic life-coping strategies such as lying about gay people, lying about secular people, lying about God for God, and lying about anything to keep yourself from having to deal with reality! I'd pay 500 dollars for that (not really)! Learning how to lie is a useful skill. Learning how to lie and believe yourself takes some awesome cognitive training. I'm a storyteller, so I'm by nature a good liar. After all - what's the difference between a lie and a fiction story, with the only exception being that one is acknowledged and the other isn't? I've found this out and I've known it ever since I was a young child, and learned a long time ago that the first step to being a good liar is for everyone to view you as being honest. I don't lie a lot because I don't need to. I never put myself in positions where I'd need to. I've also mastered the art of the half-truth, but I learned that by watching men like Bill O'Rly and Sean Hannity, when he wasn't outright lying. Lying can be important for society because it's important for basic social things like politeness, even though we'd never admit it. But the thing is, like my novels, I never believe my own lies on those rare times I do tell them. But for 500 dollars, you too can learn how to believe your own lies! Cognitive reconditioning, folks.

They left the line blank. Does this mean I can just put $ 0.00 after it and get in for free? Letting college students do math is a dangerous preposition.

Page 3 is the application for admission. This looks pretty much like any other application that I've filled out in my entire life, where they demand every thing from your father's date of birth to your mother's cousin twice removed maiden's name.

Page 4 is where things get interesting. I'll answer each of those essay questions below, minus any of my trademark snark (see, I can trademark things, too!)

1. What are two significant spiritual milestones milestones in your life? How have they shaped you?

The first major spiritual milestone for me was my adopting atheism and abandoning spiritualism and the metaphysical all together. It's shaped me by making me a happier person, who isn't anywhere near as hung up on the sexuality of other people and how they pass their time.

2. Describe two of your leadership strengths . How do you hope to see your leadership strengths sharpened in your time at the Focus Leadership Institute?

My first leadership strength has to be the fact that I'm a people person through and through. When you meet me, I'm the kind of guy who has the personality you wring out of your shirt later. I'll take command, but I'll lead through support rather than by commanding. I'm also very helpful and knowledgeable; I know more about your holy book and religion than you do, so I think that speaks volumes about my capability of leading anyone in your monkey sphere.

Honestly, I can only see you people dulling my leadership skills. Sign's of a good leader include breaking the mold and helping the people who follow them find new things out about themselves, learn to lift themselves up, and become leaders - or close to it - in their own right.

3. What are two of your leadership weaknesses ? How do you hope to see these refined while at the Focus Leadership Institute?

Well, weaknesses very. Here in the real world, my major weaknesses are that I'm not always the first to take the lead, and I'd rather not. I also have difficulty entrusting others to do things. That's a big downfall for a leader. Of course, to folks like you, my biggest flaw would be that I've learned long ago to think for myself rather than accepting anything you teach at face value.

4. What is your favorite quotation? How has it impacted the way you live your life?

I have a couple:
It is now no more that toleration is spoken of as if it were the indulgence of one class of people that another enjoyed the exercise of their inherent natural rights, for, happily, the Government of the United States, which gives to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance, requires only that they who live under its protection should demean themselves as good citizens in giving it on all occasions their effectual support.
- George Washington

traditional, adj. in accordance with the way things were done in America in the fifties, or at least the way television tells us things were done in America in the fifties: If we don't defend traditional marriage, then we're headed (back) down the slippery slope to allowing polygamy and concubinage.

"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we've got to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that he commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy, without condition. And then admit that we just don't want to do it." - Colbert
As you can clearly see above, I've given way to secular propaganda. The notion that people should be treated equal independent of stone age beliefs, the idea that humans are humans regardless what their sexuality is, that people should have equal opportunities both economically and socially, that it's wrong for just one group to dictate to everyone else, and it's equally wrong for that one group to whine and complain when they can no longer dictate to everyone else. I sold my non-existent soul to the Devil for my fast typing. In short, I fell to secular propaganda, baby, and I never looked back.

And the certification:
All of the information that I have supplied is true and correct to the best of my knowledge. I understand that I will be participating in a Christian community in Colorado Springs, Colorado, requiring a special witness in living and learning. I pledge that I will seek to make the lordship of Jesus Christ central to all I do. While involved in this program, I will endeavor to conduct my life in accord with the teachings of Scripture and will refrain from those actions it expressly forbids, including fornication, homosexuality, adultery, theft and dishonesty. Furthermore, in respect for the values of community life, I will abstain from the use of alcohol, tobacco and other harmful drugs.
Among other things, like wearing mixed fabric clothing, believing that Pi equals 3, eating shellfish, mixing milk and meat, and boiling a kid in it's mother's own milk, among other things. It's always funny how you people leave that out. Why, it's almost like you're trying to.

News flash: I abstain from alcohol (beer tastes horrible, I'm not a drinker at all because I'm bipolar), harmful drugs (same reason) and tobacco (it stinks). Of course, I'm at least honest about my dishonesty, so perhaps I'm too good for that sinful kingdom, that revels in it's privilege.

Privilege like the ability to define marriage:
In this day of new, creative, inclusive and roundabout definitions, Focus on the Family maintains that a family is composed of individuals related to one another by marriage, blood or adoption. This obviously includes not only two-parent households but also single-parent families, many of which are succeeding through personal courage and hard work. Other definitions, such as “any cluster of people who live together and purport to love one another,” are suspect, for they can be expanded to include everyone except complete strangers. Further, the word family becomes fair game for opportunists eager to press it into questionable service and exploit it for their own political or social ends. The fabric of society itself and the foundations of our culture are built upon the family, and tampering with its legal definition must necessarily tear that fabric and undermine those foundations.
New! Creative! *Gasp* Inclusive. Heaven forbid we be inclusive.

What's wrong with a group of people who love one another being suspect? For some people, that's their experience with what a family actually is. Are you going tell them they're wrong, because it conflicts with your definition? Of course you will! That's what privilege is about, coming from such a highly respected and renowned institution like Focus on the Patriarchy!

Defining how Marriage relates to the sexes:
 Redefining Defining Marriage and divorce!
Divorce represents one of the greatest failures in human life, and therefore one of the greatest heartbreaks. For this reason God hates divorce; it leaves abandoned dreams and broken promises where once there was hope. Focus on the Family strongly opposes the idea that divorce constitutes a solution to marital discord or unhappiness, for often the problems of one marriage are carried to the next relationship.
Boy, no kidding. Look at Rush Limbaugh and New Gingrich. Failure doesn't come much more vivid and corpulent than that.

Defining how children are a wonderful gift from God!
Discipline of children is an essential component of Focus on the Family’s child rearing philosophy, but it is not the centerpiece. The crucial element of all healthy parent-child relationships is the principle of balance. Each side of the scale of love and control must be maintained in a delicately poised, mutually corrective and complementary relationship. Unchecked by its counterpart, the scale can tip dangerously toward unhealthy extremes
This is one of those things that sounds nice until you realize they don't have a clue what they're talking about, and their position is one of unhealthy extremes.

Defining Pro-life!
We are especially sympathetic to the tragedy and heartbreak of rape and incest, but cannot agree that abortion is a satisfactory solution for these victims.
Because what they agree with matters so much in these situations! Or in any situations not relevant to them! Or any one's situation, ever!

Defining Euthanasia!
Furthermore, a gradual expansion of euthanasia seems to be a real and frightening possibility. Once physician-assisted suicide is legalized for the elderly and the terminally ill, what prevents that “service” from being extended to the not-so-old, the depressed, the tired-of-living or those incapable of “ contributing” to society?
Godwin! Godwin! Godwin! It's pretty clear by this point that the only thing Euthanasia leads to is a slippery slope and a swan dive off the edge. 

Defining Heterosexuality and Homosexuality!
Actually,  there are some high spots in that:

"Focus does take strong exception to the activist movement that seeks to gain special privileges and protected minority status for the homosexual community. There is no evidence that homosexuals, as a class, are discriminated against in the present society. They are not like African-Americans, Hispanics or other historically disadvantaged groups, for they have a far higher average income than most Americans, a higher level of education than most Americans and significant political influence (Citation Needed, 2011)"


"This and other elements of the more radical homosexual agenda must be vigorously opposed. Further, there is no established scientific evidence that sexual orientation is genetically determined by brain structure. Recent attempts to establish such a connection have been unscientific and biased. Focus on the Family recognizes that physiological and environmental factors may have significance within the complex amalgam of circumstances that contribute to a homosexual orientation; yet we cannot subscribe to a determinism that holds human beings to be mere biological machines (Sources motherfucker, do you have them?, 2011)."

And of course, a summation of their Biblical Values:

WE BELIEVE that the ultimate purpose for anyone in our movement is to be little more than a weapon in the name of God, to go forth and make themselves look like a fool spouting the garbage that we teach you, because you don't know any better, or because it appeals to your warped sense of privilege. It is only through being touched by God that you will understand how this works, and you'll know when you've been touched by God because we'll tell you.

WE BELIEVE that the institution of marriage is something special, even though WE KNOW we invented it in the 1960s as an effort to try and keep people we don't like from getting married. From it's redefinition of "a man and his property" to "a man and woman of the same color" to "a man and woman of any color", we have fought tooth and nail ever step of the way to avoid redefining it it, lost each time, and know full well that we're going to loose this time, too. But that doesn't stop us anyway, because YOU BELIEVE that the institution of marriage was set in stone, like the original 10 Commandments, and something that has been unchanged when really, if your stupid ass would just crack open a fucking history book, you'd know otherwise. But that's okay. YOU BELIEVE all you want. It won't do a damn bit of good in making YOU WIN.

WE BELIEVE that children a heritage from God, but most importantly, a tool to punish women who are sexually active with any man other than ourselves outside of marriage (and inside, too). After all, they need punishment somehow, don't they?

WE BELIEVE that your life is infinitesimally small and worthless, and turn around and accuse atheists and secularists of being nihilistic and negative. Now go cry in a fucking corner.

WE BELIEVE that God has ordained three basic institutions - OUR church, OUR definition of family, and government that says what WE want it to say, when we want it to say it. The family exists for the propagation of the RACE (actual verbiage; WHITE is the unwritten word there).

And thus, we reach the end, only to be confronted with this:
After you have read the previous statements in their entirety, please sign and date below if you are in agreement. If you disagree with any one (or more) statement(s), please provide a brief explanation on a separate sheet of paper.
I think I've well and truly explained my problems, and it took more than one sheet of paper.

Here's my signature:


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