Thursday, June 16, 2011

Meanwhile, in Teabagistan...

I think the picture says it all, really
Image courtesy of
I don't make it a habit to insult people. I prefer to honestly debate someone, or discuss with someone, so when the insults do get wheeled out, I do so sparingly, and only when I feel that they deserve to be talked down too. Usually, when I do talk down to you, it's because you're coming from so far out in Right field that I have no recourse but to stop in mid-sentence and sputter like a dying lawn mower. You shut down any potential brain processes I had going on. I don't like it when idiots come along and, through sheer force of stupid and insipidity, terminate any train of thought that I had because I'm too busy trying to figure out what the hell you were thinking, if thinking can be the word used to describe it. When I see you're too far gone to bother with, that's when the insults start flying. It doesn't mean you're right. It means you're a moron, an idiot, and any other unpleasant term that can be used to insult your negative-mass intellect I don't feel like wheeling out. When your IQ score is enough to hold the throat of a Lorentzian wormhole open, we have problems. You aren't just impervious to logic - it runs screaming from you and sobs in dark corners of the Internet. So, with all that in mind, let's take a look at the focus today: Welcome to Teabagistan, Florida.

It's a summer camp. It's a summer camp to teach the "virtues" of, I guess, the Holy Writ of Adam Smith and his Prophet Ayn Rand? I'm not sure, because I don't think Teabaggers know what they believe other than the fact that they're White, they're angry, and they've got a MASSIVE sense of Self-Entitlement. I'm tempted to call them a grassroots motley collection of humanity dredged from the darkest corners of the trailer park in places like BFE, Kentucky and Assendofnowhere (a German name, methinks), Oklahoma. But they're not, because that would be an insult to those who live in trailer parks and grassroots. Anyway, according to the director of the park, the purpose is this:
The organization, which falls under the tea party umbrella, hopes to introduce kids ages 8 to 12 to principles that include "America is good," "I believe in God," and "I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable."
Okay, let's see how many points we hit here: "America is good" - in what way? "I believe in God" -Gee, the way you guys are constantly ramming this "Christian Nation" garbage down our throats, I couldn't tell. "I work hard for what I have" - explain to me why the states that vote red take more from federal money than states that vote blue. I'll wait. It could possibly be because you're a bunch of selfish, uneducated assholes, but I won't say that correlation equals causation. "The Government [capital G!] cannot force me to be charitable" - in literature, we call that "anthropomorphizing", which basically means you're ascribing human traits to an un-living or non-human object or creature. When you say that "the weather is fickle," you're anthropomorphizing the weather. There's no way it's fickle, because it doesn't have emotions, doesn't think for itself, and isn't alive. That can also be done by giving it a capital letter, turning it into a proper noun, as is the case here. The fact that they did this to the government is no mistake. It's a favorite boogieman for the perennial Tea Party-esque crowd; back when they called themselves John Birchers or LaRochians, and I'm sure it goes back further than that, but I just can't be bothered to go look it up. This fear that they might have to be charitable is a killer for them - this thought their money might go towards the betterment of society, rather than their church, scares them.

Ah, and where would a summer camp as misguided as this be without activities, hmm?
Starting in an austere room where they are made to sit quietly, symbolizing Europe, the children will pass through an obstacle course to arrive at a brightly decorated party room (the New World). Red-white-and-blue confetti will be thrown. But afterward the kids will have to clean up the confetti, learning that with freedom comes responsibility.
These are middle-school aged kids, too. I feel compelled to mention that, because in all my time as a sub, I have never gotten MS-aged kids to sit quietly, so best of luck with that. And after an obstacle course, they'll be invited to clean up red-white-and-blue confetti! Tell me, will the option be there for kids of richer parents to force kids of poorer children to clean it up for them, to show that the responsibility is only there if you're poor? And will there be "nativists" there, to throw things at them, beat them up, and push them into the ground like all good Americans do with every new generation of immigrants? Will the poorer kids be forced to live in overcrowded tenements while the rich kids get large houses? What's that, no? Why, I'm shocked... shocked... to find half-assed history and fractured fairy tales being taught as truth!
Children will win hard, wrapped candies to use as currency for a store, symbolizing the gold standard. On the second day, the "banker" will issue paper money instead. Over time, students will realize their paper money buys less and less, while the candies retain their value.
Oh, of course, the gold standard. I wonder if Glenn Beck is sponsoring this. I have a prediction: by the end of the first day, their candy will be gone. And all the kids will be getting the equal amount of candy, I assume - I thought you were against socialism! Going back to that first activity, those poor kids should have to owe candy right off the boat, and they should have to spend the rest of the camp trying to pay it back even though they never will, while the rich kids get all that and more handed to them. And then, when the poor kids complain, hit them on the nose with a rolled up news paper and say that "'politics of envy'* is a Liberal, and therefore, Evil, thing!" But never mind that, I guess I'm just mildly amused that they think the candy will last the first day.

Children will blow bubbles from a single container of soapy solution, and then pop each other's bubbles with squirt guns in an arrangement that mimics socialism. They are to count how many bubbles they pop. Then they will work with individual bottles of solution and pop their own bubbles.
That's nice. the camp councilors and planners don't have a damn clue between them what socialism is, but they're going to teach it's bad anyway. But then, they don't have a damn clue what capitalism is, either, or what the government is, or what their own assholes are, for that matter. Let it never be said ignorance never stopped someone from doing something stupid. In fact, it encourages them.

How does this arraignment mimic socialism? Helping others pop their own bubbles? I'm still trying to figure out what this has to do with socialism. You're letting other people pop your economic bubble, rather than popping your own? Is that the metaphor at work here? Or am I just giving them too much credit in thinking they'd know what a metaphor is? This sort of lesson seems like it'd be WAY above the head of the age group they're aiming for; yeah, this is something I'd teach to seventh and eighth graders, sure. Hell, I'm twenty-six and I can't figure out what the point of this is. I'm willing to bet that the reason I can't understand it has to do with the fact that I, unlike the Teabaggers, actually know what socialism is. It'd probably make sense if I was as perversely ignorant as they are.

And, lastly, from the camp director himself:
"We want to impart to our children what our nation is about, and what they may or may not be told," Lukens said.
He said he was not familiar with public school curriculum, but, "I do know they have a lot of political correctness. We are a faithful people, and when you talk about natural law, you have to talk about God. When you take that out of the discussion, you miss the whole thing."
The original Tea Party. Note: they haven't strayed far from their intellectual origins
Image courtesy of

I love this, and I think it's a good way to close. Note he says "he isn't familiar with the public school curriculum" and then turns around and says "I do know they have a lot of political correctness**." I'm sure glad he knows that, Zeus forbid he know something useful about the curriculum. Maybe then his camp would make some sense.


[*] I hate that phrase. The ones who throw it around are inevitably the ones who are envious, proving once more teabaggers and republicans are really good at projection. It's hard to imagine a liberal who's envious of anyone when they're saying that everyone should be equal and yes, that poor kid should get some candy rather than owe it.

[**] Political Correctness is this word that right-wingers use because they're mad they can't come right out and call Black people "'n*ggers" anymore, among other things. So like all good right-wingers, they project that onto the liberals: "I don't have the balls to say what I want to say, so it's your fault for reminding us that it's a bad thing to say it." Just keep that in mind next time someone wheels that one out against you.

No comments:

Post a Comment