Friday, May 25, 2012

Platform Shoes

So the Iowa Republican Party has issued their party platform; this is like a mission statement, but likely written in crayon on a piece of construction paper. This outlines all of their beliefs, neatly bundled in one little blackwhite package, proudly proclaiming how they miss the 17th century and how they're going to work their damn hardest to take us back.
I read this and I think about the Party from my novel, but that's nothing unusual. I modeled the Party on the political right. So naturally, there's overlap. Your pot can only get so cracked before it starts looking like every other crackpot. So let's gear up and follow this train over the edge, skydiving from reality into, to borrow a term from Ed Brayton,The People's Republic of Wingnuttia.

As Republicans, we seek a world of liberty; a world in which all individuals are sovereign over their own lives and are never deprived of property or forced to sacrifice one’s values for the benefit of others. We believe that respect for individual rights is the essential precondition for a free and prosperous world, and that only through freedom can peace and prosperity be realized. Consequently, we defend each person's right to engage in any activity that is peaceful and honest, and welcome the diversity that freedom brings.
We defend the right of each individual to be free and to follow their own dreams in their own ways, unless the exercise of their freedoms infringes upon the valid rights of others.

We seek a word of liberty (not applicable to some minority populations up to and including gays, lesbians, blacks, Jews, liberals, socialists, union-supporters, atheists, and anyone not like us. For those of you who are like us - white, male, Christian, neurotypical, and cis-gendered straight, we promise to respect your individual rights, allow you to be sovereign over your own life, and never deprive you of your property and force you to sacrifice yourself for the benefit of others. We will defend your right to follow your dreams in your own way, unless it in fringes upon the valid rights of others.

The people who wrote this honestly believe this tripe. This is garbage. This is Blackwhite; Big Brother would be so proud of his spawn; they read 1984 as an instruction manual rather than a warning.

We believe in the sacred gift of life from conception to natural death. On day one a baby’s genetic code and DNA are formed. That is the beginning of life. We affirm that the unborn child is a living human being, with rights separate from those of its mother regardless of gestational age or dependency.

It's sacred, you see. We believe in the sacred gift of life, from conception to natural death. Causes of natural death may include: old age; heart disease; cancer (what? did you expect national healthcare to deal with it, you damn socialist? Life is sacred. Just not your life, you poor bastard); the state of Texas; the state of Florida; any number of wars that we get involved in for oil; getting shot if you antagonize the police; getting shot for being a black male; getting shot because jackass down the street wasn't careful with the gun that we fought so hard to let him and he shot it in the air while celebrating, killing you; dying because you couldn't get the abortion to help deal with the dead fetus because we believe in the sanctity of life, and other conditions that may apply; see your state for more information.

This is stupid. This is stupid; how can it have rights separate from it's mother? Does this mean that the bacteria living in your belly button has separate rights from you? They have their own genetic code and DNA.

We also reaffirm that this happens over the course of one day, one 24 hour period, when science indicates the exact opposite. But hey, if you want to see our stance on science, just keep reading. It's like our stance on reality, but even more detached.

These people are a menace to society.

We disagree with Roe vs. Wade and Doe vs. Bolton as “settled law.” Under the Tenth amendment, these Supreme Court decisions have no authority over the states.
Disagree all you want to, not only are you "wrong", but you're "fucking" wrong. Under the "14th Amendment", they do. And even if they did, do you think they'd apply this consistent? Hell no. They'd never apply something like this to Citizens United, or any other ruling that they agree with. Hypocrisy? Please, they're a better band than anything that's taken this platform so far.

We believe in “conscience-clause” legislation so that no physician, pharmacist, or other health care provider can be penalized for refusing to prescribe, dispense, or participate in the procurement of abortion or anything contrary to the conscience of the health care provider.

And yet, if a Jewish person tried to something like this to shut down a deli because it sold ham, or was open on Sunday, they'd be throwing a shit fit. Especially if it was the only deli in the community. It's only good for them. You don't want to do the job, then get another goddamn job. This is not rocket science. Rights for me, not for thee: the new marching tune for the Republican Party.

We support legislation that would prohibit organizations, such as Planned Parenthood, from entering public school facilities for the purpose of promoting abortion.
By this, they mean handing out condoms and spreading information about safe sex. See, even though they were babbling about how they believe life begins at conception, really, they don't. They just want to punish people for having sex. That's all it is. Right now, teenage sex education this country is abysmal. It's a step below abysmal. Like this platform and the tools that vote for these people, it's a joke.

We oppose proposed Department of Labor regulations on the work of children on their own family's farms. The Federal Government should not regulate young people working in agriculture through new labor laws, or revisions or new interpretations of existing ones.
In short, we support child labor. I made a post a while back about how the Republican Paradise exists, and it's name is the People's Republic of China. Here's more proof. Americans will get their knickers in a twist over child labor in sweat shops, but yet, when we have one of the major parties in the country advocating it everyone is conspicuously silent. Most farms are not mom and pop owned. Most farms are corporate subsidiaries; agribusiness is big business. By removing those regulations, you're allowing corporations to hire out children. Why not just pull all the stops? Why not embrace Dickensonian sweat shops? Scrooge was the prototypical Republican. I believe in a better tomorrow - without these people. This demographic cannot die the fuck off soon enough.

We strongly oppose government monies being given to private organizations such as Planned Parenthood, AARP, ACORN, ACLU, and other groups which lobby for policies contrary to the views expressed in this platform.
ACORN hasn't existed in 3 years. The other organizations are organizations that oppose us, so we have to silence them. We can't let the government fund organizations that are opposed to us; how are we going to institute our fascist dystopia if there are people out there who make sure that individuals opposed to us act opposite of our interest? So we have to silence these organizations.

ACORN hasn't existed in 3 years. This isn't even a dead horse they're beating. They're beating a decayed, rotted pile of flesh and bones that was a horse at one point but's decayed to the point where it's not recognizable as such anymore.

ACORN hasn't existed in 3 years. If I say it enough, will it make these people believe it? Don't answer that question.

We demand the elimination of the Federal Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) and the return of safety inspections and regulations to the IOSHA.
Dickens is calling - he wants his 19th century back. Now put this together with the fact that they want children working. Imagine that death rate. But hey! We believe all life is sacred - that's why we believe women are nothing more than wombs with feet to pump out as many babies as possible over such a short time!

We oppose government control, taxation, or censorship of the Internet by the federal government or international organizations, like the United Nations.
This sounds like a good idea, but look at that last one. There's a reason these deranged anti-human freaks listed "the United Nations". First, if you're not from America, there's a strong undercurrent in this country that's ignorant of how the United Nations works. That shouldn't surprise you, considering this is the same group that's willfully ignorant of everything else; why should the United Nations be any different? This is the strain of viral Christian that believes in the Rapture, and believes that the United Nations will play a role in the end of the world. They honestly think that the United Nations has the ability to control the Internet. And they probably think that's something that's going to play a role in their endtimes "GOTCHA! SUCKERS!" revenge fantasy.

We oppose the unconstitutional concept of a “hate crime” since it is an attempt to criminalize the reasonable actions of persons who oppose the granting of “special status” or “privileges” to defined classes of people. If someone is to be punished, it should be after proper conviction for actual actions, not what someone alleges they were thinking. We support repeal of state and federal “hate crimes” legislation.
We also oppose the distinction between first degree murder and manslaughter; since clearly, intent doesn't matter anymore; so what if you killed the guy on accident defending yourself or if you set out with intent of killing them? It doesn't matter; all crimes should be punished equally. Look at how they define hate crimes - "an attempt to criminalize the reasonable actions of persons who oppose the granting of 'special status' or 'privileges' to a defined class of people." Just read that - I don't think there's anything I can add to that. Especially the "defined class of people" - maybe I should get the the yellow stars and the pink triangles ready? I know that's a Godwin, but I don't know if there's any way you can take this any further without diving into that territory. Besides, it's not like these guys haven't called for the death of the GLBT crowd before.

Sharia Law, “United Nations Law,” and foreign laws shall not be used against any American citizen by any judge, jury, or court in these United States.
Bet you thought I was kidding when I said these people have deluded themselves into believing that the United Nations is more powerful than it actually is, huh? Well, there you go. "United Nations Law" - hey, friend? What the fuck do they call those things at the United Nations? Uh.. you mean those resolution thingys? Nah man, they're Laws. Random capitalization is Included.

There so much conspiratorial Bircher paranoid bullshit underscoring so much of this that it's fucking ridiculous that anyone with any kind of mainstream pull would take these people seriously.

Now contrast that with this:

We believe that Christian-based organizations should not be discriminated against from assisting prisoners in improving their lives and adjusting to society.

That Muslim stuff? Hell no. Christianity? A-okay. That's what this mysterious Judeo-Christian religion is all about, after all. Special rights for Christians, denied to the greater majority. You don't improve your life finding God. By finding God, you just find new ways to justify the bad things you do.
We call for the elimination of the Federal Dept. of Education.
No surprise here. Public education? What's that? It's just another way to convince your children all those lies about evolution, a sphere-like earth, heliocentrism, bacteria theory, and other stuff that science has already shown doesn't exist. It's indoctrination, I tells you. It's indoctrination!
We oppose teaching so-called “multiculturalism”.
That's right! Only White people can have the special privilege of having their history taught! We don't need none of this garbage about them dirty furriners. Multiculturalism only causes children to experiment with cultures beyond the one that they grew up in, and we can't have that. White people are already endangered enough as it is; we don't need to make it worse!
We oppose ratification of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, which interferes with parental rights to direct the upbringing and education of their children.
And there's that Bircher paranoia again. Rearing it's ugly head, right along with its close cousin, the Random capitalizAtion of Words. By now, it's become clear that they don't take their own words seriously; how can you hold life sacred but at the same time put it at the risk of an abusive parent or something that would end it? That's what the Rights of the Child is suppose to do, among other things. You don't believe life is sacred. Get over your fucking self. You just want to punish women who have sex, and you want them to all be under the heel of an abusive father.

You whine about morality dying off. Good riddance. What you call morality is some of the most amoral shit that I've ever seen. Life is sacred. Pfft. I'm not even 6 pages deep in this 21 page monstrosity and they've already undermined themselves and twisted themselves into a logical pretzel.
We believe that sex education should not be taught as a mandatory course in public schools. The teaching of sex education in any form, at any grade level, to any student shall be with written parental consent only. When taught, sex education should stress abstinence outside of marriage as the surest way to prevent pregnancy, the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, and associated psychological problems.
The quickest way to refute this is to look outside, and the real world. But these people don't live in the real world, so they're going to keep trying the same tired bullshit, with the same destructive effects. Again, it's all about stopping people from having sex, or punishing people for having sex. Anyone with two functioning braincells sees this business about sacred life is nothing but smoke screens. It's about hating women, it's about hating sex, and it's about wanting to punish people who have it, and punish women who have it. It's about wanting to strike out and smash women who defy the Madonna/Whore complex that the patriarchy imposes on them, just like this business about punishing the GLBT crowd is the same. The White Man is the authority figure. Defy that at your own risk - the Regressive Republicans are coming for you.

These people are evil. Wave aside the bullshit and the smoke screen, pull down the pretty curtains and smash the empty gingerbread rhetoric and you're lift with a most profound piece of anti-woman, anti-child, anti-human piece of text. And the worst thing about is that they're such fucking cowards that they have to couch it in these terms. They don't have the moral constitution to say what they mean to say. And when you call them out on it, they shot it back at you.
We believe that claims of human-caused global warming are based on fraudulent, inaccurate information and that legislation and policy based on this information is detrimental to the wellbeing of the United States. We deplore extremist scare tactics not based on scientific evidence. We recognize it as a plan to take our freedoms and liberties away from the people through legislation.
Except that NASA has said otherwise. And I'll believe NASA before I believe a bunch of damn bigots from flyover country.

Look at that last sentence. It doesn't come much more paranoid than that: stopping global warming, making the world a better place, reducing our dependence on oil and other fossil fuels, and making the world a healthier place, is "a plan to take our freedoms and liberties away from the people through legislation."

What the fuck is this whole platform if not an attempt to take away people's freedoms and liberties through legislation?The whole "Family Values" section is a joke. I'm not about to copy and past the whole thing here, but you can take a look at it for yourself. It's the same right-wing bullshit, retread with new talking points. Worth noting is that they oppose the United Nations Rights of the Child; even though they mentioned that elsewhere, paranoia dictates it be mentioned at least twice, if not three times, so that we're extra sure they're serious about their delusion this is somehow a threat.

Again, the only threat to the survival of society are the people who drafted this monstrosity. One by one, they've undermined each of their points. They've undone each - we support people's rights and liberties, but they can't have an abortion, they can't live in a world that's pollution free, they can't work in a place where they can be reasonably sure that they would safe, they can't live in a world that they know will last another 100 years because climate change doesn't give a flying fuck whether or not you believe it's a hoax, you can't have any freedoms if you're a woman - especially if you live in an area with only one pharmacy and it's run by the local religulous wingnut. We support freedoms for us, not for you.

The whole thing is a monumental, 21 page testament to the festering rot that's take up root in this country's soul. But the upshot to all of this? They're dying off. They will not live to see the 2090s. I doubt they'll live to see the 2050s. While long, the arc of history leans towards justice.

Which is away from where these people stand.

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