Love for Rapture Ready

As I get ready to type up the third installment of Human Black Box, I found three comments on FSTDT that I couldn't help but comment on, or at least present, in their entirety. This stuff is golden - you can't make it up. All of them come from Rapture Ready, so you may feel kind of dirty for picking on the low-hanging fruit, but that's okay. They honestly ask for it on a regular basis - it helps feed their persecution complex, so you're actually doing them a favor, as warped as that sounds. So anyway, here we go...
(Links to FSTDT)
Number one:

to clarify my statement, i hold that the Bible is completely 100% accurate in everything it speaks about, including history. it's absoluely a history book. does it expalin all of world history? of course not. no mention of ghengis kahn or easter island. but the facts of what it does mention are totally accurate. [sic all]

I believe it's 100% accurate except for where it's not. It's like a car that doesn't have it's wheels or a motor. Is it still a car? More importantly, how duped do you have to be to believe it's a car and spend that much money for it?

Edit: because apparently, Ghengis Kahn is Jewish and someone must be an ex-Palin fan.

Number Two:

There is a soft drink company, believe it may be Pepsi, that is using aborted baby cells to flavor pop. When you think they have hit bottom..look out..the bottom is still a ways to go

Good thing I drink coke, then (Here in the Enlightenment, we're coke zero drinkers).
Actually, in keeping with my atheism, I should probably switch to Pepsi. After all, if I didn't eat my regular share of babies, they'd come for my atheism card. Given how I drink pop, I could probably meet my quota and then some if I switched to Pepsi....

And, lastly, Number Three:

The pagan religions that you mention here worship non existant gods. That means, they might as well be worshipping air.

But all they are are offshoots of Stans brand of worship. [sic all]

You know, I could make a lot of jokes about All Hail Stan, He's the Man! or how it takes a cargo cult to worship a carpet cleaning service. Instead, I'm going to make an extended in-joke. Starsinger, an occasional commenter on this blog, is someone I know in Real Life. Hie and I are close friends and part of the same gaming group, and our group's been going strong for a long time. I started it, I'll admit it, with a rather unpleasant troglodyte (the D&D species, although the usual usage for the word applies as well) named Stan, who was also a womanizer. He hit on Starsinger's character, and the whole thing was played for laughs. Well, Starsinger got a chance to GM, and he took the character of Stan to new heights. He turned Stan into an actual bad guy that my then character had tied to her background, and one of the minor villains of the campaign, who played a big role early on. After his game, I took Stan a step further and made him into an idiot diabolist that somehow managed to summon a demon prince, and used that demon prince to steal candy from little children, and slurpees and porn mags from gas stations... who happened to be the big bad for the campaign.  After that campaign, Starsinger and I agreed that the next best step for Stan was to introduce a player named Stan, and then make Stan a god. Well, Rapture Ready skipped a step, but they fulfilled the end of that rather nicely.

So congratulations to all you pagans out there - you now worship a character who started out as a troglodyte and ended up as a god. All courtesy of Rapture Ready.

All Hail Stan, he's the Man!