Friday, March 1, 2013

Advice for Feminine Women

Some advice for Feminine Women - 8 Easy Tips to Act More Feminine

Being a female and acting feminine are two entirely different things. Femininity should not be taken for granted. Just because you are a female doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be feminine too. It’s an art that sometimes needs to be mastered. So here are 5 [sic] quick and easy tips for you to act feminine:

1. Dress feminine

Renee appeared a few moments later, snapping her belt buckle. She stood up, straightening up the scarf. The pants were almost bell-bottom like; with wide pant-legs for the feet, but fairly tight fitting everywhere else. They were solid white, save for the blue stripe around the foot hole. The belt was likewise solid white, with a clear dome over it. The shirt was a blue tie-die shirt, and it fit neatly under the jean jacket. Finally, she wore blue gloves and her scarf, which seemed to round the whole uniform out. The last parts of her uniform were sitting on the table beside her, including the plastic facemask, the goggles, and the armor.
                “I can put more of the climbing-stuff on these gloves, and I found these tennis shoes that I can put the bouncy rubber on.”
                She kicked a pair of white and blue tennis shoes into the open.
                “Rene, that shirt is a spiral,” Ofelia said.
                “It looks like a bull’s-eye, I know. I sorta want it that way – see, I’m going to be wearing that armor over my chest. If they shoot at my chest, then they can’t hurt me.”

2. Brush up on your manners

All by himself, a single man monitored everything from the tower. He could see everything clearly; with a pair of binoculars, he could even see into downtown.
                His radio crackled to life, and he flipped it open.
                “How is everything?”
                “We’re all clear.”
                The signal died, and he flipped his phone shut. Those who knew the vigilantes existed – or had existed – were still on edge. He was one of them, and he kept his ears open for any kind of activity that would give them away.
                He was tired though. There were candy bar wrappers all over the floor, with a half-empty 24 oz. fast-food cup within arm’s reach.
                He stood up, stretching, and then sat back down.
                “Excuse me, sweetie? You’re in my spot, and I’m going to have to ask you to move.”
                He turned around, and the last thing he saw was a fist.

3. Smile often

She carried the bag out of the locker as the other girls started to file in. When she saw one of the girls that pushed her off of the wooden horse, Renee frowned coldly. Cyan watched her stick her tongue out at Renee and then fall forward, firmly planting her face into the floor. The other girls stopped as she held her nose crying.
                Renee walked away, a vindictive smile on her face. She felt better.
                Cyan caught up with her as they walked towards the door. The bell hadn’t rung yet, but Renee didn’t have it in her mind to stay any longer. As she reached the door and pushed it open the bell rang, and she looked back at Cyan.
                “See? We made it just in time for the first bell.”
                “No, she tripped herself. That’s why we tie our shoes: so people don’t step on the laces.”

4. Be gentle, sweet and kind

The Pimpernel landed on the ground as Shadow ripped into the two hoods that were just stepping out into the midst of the chaos, their hands full. Two more, with their hands empty, stepped out from the cab of the truck, as Roth threw the thug off of him and stood up. The Pimpernel could hear the tiny motors in his hands whirl as he clenched them.
                “Hey there, sparkles,” She said. “You left your dignity on the floor back at Joliet Union. I was going to give it back to you, but it died on the way over here. Oh well.”

5. Do not use abusive words

There were two possible entrances she could make. The first was crawling through. The second was more dramatic, so that was the one she opted to do. Grabbing the top of the window seal firmly in both hands, the Ghost let go of the wall and tried to swing in. It looked cool, and it would make her feel like an actual hero. She didn’t bet on the frame being so rotted it broke when she was in mid-swing, with gravity pulling her down. Her head slammed against the corner of the window ledge, and she hit the floor with an exceptionally loud thud, rolling and holding the back of her head.
            Carajo! Harah! Sharlila!”
She was still holding the back of her head. She could see stars, but couldn’t feel blood, so that meant her head was a little harder than she gave it credit for being. It also meant her mom was right about her having a thick skull, but she wasn’t going there.
                The Ghost staggered onto her feet. “Yah ben shel kahba!” She shouted at the window ledge. “Lech lehizdayen, yah pin noteph ziva! Yah zayin lo arel! Hijo de puta! Cago en tu leche; anda que te coja un barro, puta madre! Lech tiez’da’yni, kalba ben kelev! Pinche puta!”
                She turned around, a storm still over her head. It didn’t matter if anyone heard or not. Even if someone did, they weren’t likely to think anything of it, much less understand words and phrases that she didn’t understand, having learned them from her grandfather. It sure helped her feel better, though.

6. Do not speak bluntly

Shadow froze for a moment, but shook it off and attacked the closest one by shoving it down. The armor didn’t protect against blades. Those blades were sharp enough to cut through a watermelon in one slice with little force behind them; they’d leave deep marks before they stopped.
                “We walked into this!” the Ghost shouted. “Why the hell did we walk into this!?”
                She ducked under a swing of the claws, as they anchored themselves into the wall.
                “Because we’re stupid,” Shadow said, falling into one of the open rooms and grabbing one of the chairs.  

7. Be sensitive

“What’s wrong? You don’t sparkle. I thought pretty-boy vampire-wannabes were supposed to sparkle. Did I knock them off, too?”
                He lunged, and she flipped over him. He crashed into the pews, rolled, and tore one off the floor as she landed on the ground.
                “C’mon. Stop blowing sparkles out your ass and fight me.”
                He swung the pew at her, almost hitting her. She flipped over it, like she was vaulting over a hurdle, and rolled to a stop.
                He slammed the pew down, as she rolled out of the way.
                “And you know what? Even… even if you did sparkle… it wouldn’t save you from being one ugly motherfucker.”

8. Control your temper

“Yep. According to his web-page, he can bench-press a truck and bend a twelve inch iron pipe with his bare hand.”
                She snorted.
                “He’s an underground fighter. Styled vampire. I can’t believe how bad you’ve messed him up compared to this picture.”
                “I only knocked his jaw loose. And dropped a several thousand pound chandler on him.”
                “Well, he says he’s a modified human, because of some kind of accident. He’s not lying – but his modified body is not one for fighting. He isn’t even a good fighter, besides that point. Some of the claims about this guy are that he pays others to throw the fight. That way, it looks like he’s always winning. I’m guessing he’s the Family’s golden goose – not because he can fight, but because he pays people to lose so he doesn’t have to. He’s got a hell of a memetic campaign, though. Good manager, I’ll bet.”
                “He’s a mediocre fighter at best,” she said. “He only got the drop on me because I was mad. I’ve learned from that mistake. But that’s good to know. I have something else I can throw at him.”

And there you have. 8 ways to be more feminine, brought to you courtesy of the girls of The Blue Pimpernel.

Remember, the Blue Pimpernel is still on sale. You can get a copy (ebook or dead tree), here, at Lulu (Link goes to the ebook).

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