Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Indentured Labor

Welcome, citizen. 

To ensure the safety of our democracy from outside tampering, please make submit your identification card, and present your eye for a retinal scan. Please do not forget to pay the mandatory 25 cents. Thank you for your cooperation. 

Our databanks have identified you as an individual currently receiving government finances. Please submit your identification card again, as well as the last check stub that you received. Thank you. While we scan your identification card, we would like you take this time to answer to answer the following questions. When you are done, click submit and your name with the answers will be attached to the back of the voter form to ensure voter accuracy in the event that there should be fraud. Please not that you must answer all of the questions correctly to vote today. Please note that all answers will be made public:

Question 1. 

Answer with a simple Y/N: Have you not started looking for a job yet? ____

Question 2. 
In order to vote, you must first have a job. This is to confirm your status as an American Citizen. Please identify the last position that you are still working at. ______________________________

Question 3. 
Our records indicate that you have 3 children at home under your care, and are African-American and a single woman. Do you make use of our public school system?  Y/N _____ Have you stopped buying your children expensive shoes? Y/N ____ Have you stopped purchasing expensive cars? Y/N____

Question 4.
Read the following passage and state exactly what it means below:
Extended revolutionary methodologies must be applied in order to ensure the growth of our current mission-based relationships, thereby ensuring innovative, out-of-the-box, paradigm-rearranging systems that help the survival of our democracy. Empowering bleeding-edge logistical facilities means granting that certain freedoms must be integrated into point-and-click mortar initiatives.
Please provide what the phrase means exactly here: ______________________________________

Question 5. 
Answer with a simple Y/N: In the event that your identification is no longer valid, you will be notified that you are required to renew your identification. Renewing identification requires a valid identification card, so in the event that this happens, do you have a valid identification card? ______

Question 6.
You submit that your name will be attached to the vote, so in the event that the vote returns as a fraudulent vote, the law will be notified of you and your current whereabouts. You must agree to this in order to participate in the American Electoral System. I Agree ____
Thank you for your time, citizen. We have determined that your card is no longer valid, as you are currently receiving government aid in the form of EBT, and your last purchase indicates that you bought $23.30 in cigarettes and alcohol using non-EBT money, invalidating your current identification due to abuse of government funds. Your status has been changed on the government network, and your identification has been tagged with this abuse for all to see. Would you like to present a valid identification card? 

There are countless alternative questions for number 3. Because I live in a city that's majority African-American (one of the few places in the country like that), I'm very familiar with all of the stereotypes, because I hear them all the time from the white people who live here. Any stereotype here will do, but because we all know that Poor = Black, stereotypes about African Americans work best for this circular question.

Speaking of poor = black, you'd think that Mitt Romney would have gotten the hang of knowing when to keep his mouth shut. That doesn't seem to be the case, though: apparently 47% of America supports Obama, and that 47% has no initiative, are leeches on society, and are just in general fucking lazy.

Thing is, that's almost half. That's 47% of people who he will never have on his side.

In a better world, in a better country, that would've torpedoed his chance. As it is, there are people in this nation who will read my little introduction up there and say "That's cool! We need to do something like that to keep them lazy [insert pejorative here] from voting!"

And yes. This is what it feels like trying to vote in the United States sometimes. 

No comments:

Post a Comment