Bingo, Bingo!

I found this online, and I realize it's been a while since I posted, so this here's a big one. Things like this have been circulating on Tumblr for a while now, but this particular one was one that found on the Border House, a community blog that describes itself as, "It's a blog for those who are feminist, queer, disabled, people of color, transgender, poor, gay, lesbian, and others who belong to marginalized groups, as well as allies." It's a good website; I've got it bookmarked and expect ti to appear on the sidebar soon. I'm not a huge fan of video games but I have the genres I like; I'm usually a simulationist fan. I loved the WipEout series even though I've only played 2097/XL and Wip3out. I loved all of the SimCity series (I would often create my own history to go with the cities and everything), and I was huge fan of Star Wars: Battlefront, Rise of Legends, Medieval: Total War and a handful of other games. One of the reasons I prefer writing and table top games to video games is because I can create my own stories, with my own characters and my own themes and issues that I want to deal with. Don't get me wrong - I'm not about to knock vidya games - but the medium acts more as a constraint for my creativity than it does an aid (although, that hasn't stopped me from "borrowing" concepts and ideas from video games in the past; in fact, one of the half-dozen novel projects I have floating around in my head was inspired by Wipeout, but writing about races is really challenging because speed is a hard illusion to keep when writing).

Despite not being a huge fan of video games, video game culture, table-top game culture, and card game culture often overlap; a member of one is usually a member of one of the other two (I say usually because I'm that outlier). What affects one usually affects the other two. Furthermore, on the periphery, one usually finds the speculative fiction community, a community I belong to in the same way I belong to the transhumanist community. So there's an web of interconnection between these different communities, and those who aren't part of them will often make the mistake of assuming that they're all the same thing. One of the major problems that I've outlined before for the gaming community is sexism, and to the same degree, racism and homophobia. Because these form a spectrum, rarely will you find someone who isn't one or more of these things. You'll be hard pressed to find "just a sexist", because odds are, they're likely a homophobe and racist, too. These kinds of people form a notable segment of the video game, table-top game, card game, speculative fiction, and comic book communities. Because these communities are diversifying slowly, with more females, more transfolk, more gay people, and more marginalized individuals in general, becoming involved, these privileged white boys who are the "face" of the so-called blanket term "nerd culture" have become more vocalized. And the way they've become more vocal is very reminiscent of the way that the South was vocal during Desegregation; i.e., not at all productive and prone to using derailing techniques. That's where this "bingo" sheet comes in at; it's a list of sexists, misogynistic, and homophobic things that privileged white boy gamer/nerds often say in response to attempts to diversify their hobby. For the hell of it, I'm going to respond to the points on the card, explaining why each is bad. I believe that if you're just learning, there's no reason to shout you down. Understand, though, there's a lot of people who believe that it's the job of the marginalized to teach them about their privilege in society; when in reality they don't want to learn at all, and are doing it just to derail the conversation. Or they come bearing their privilege and dismiss what others have to say, rather than listening to what they have to say.

So, here's the bingo card. While this is designed for the gaming community, you can use this anywhere, any time, in any discussion, be it politics or what have you, by swapping a few things out.

I'm going to start in the up in the upper left hand corner and work down from there, and then start at the top again, going column by column, so listen up:

"But men are all super-buff, they're sexually objectified too!"

On some days, I'm bi. I don't mind looking at a nice guy, and if he's hot then I'll readily admit that he's hot. I wouldn't sleep with a guy, but I know good eye candy of the male persuasion when I see it. Comic books and video games do not contain sexually objectified men. There's a difference between sexually objectifying the male form and what comics/video games do. In the former, the men are usually lean. You see them and they look like runners, and their poses and expressions speak less of enhancing their physical strength and more enhancing their sexuality. Male sexuality is not some evil, nasty thing that's based on rape, and yes, men can be and are sexually attractive (again; I know my eye candy. While I wouldn't sleep with a guy there's nothing to stop me from enjoying a nice looking guy when I see one, but what I define as "nice looking" tends to be a very narrow band of male body shapes. Sadly, I do not fall into that band).

Men in comic books are not sexually objectified. Men in comic books are designed so that their physical strength is enhanced; while some people enjoy physical strength and guys looking like bodybuilders, in average, a bodybuilder is not there to look sexy. Their entire body speaks of power. They are strong, and everything they do is to play up that strength. Males in comic books are intended as power fantasies for other men, not sexual objects for straight/bi/questioning/pan women and gay/bi/questioning/pan men. They're stand ins; after all, what guy wouldn't want to look that buff and be that strong? I could never achieve what I deem as a sexy male body shape, because I'm not built that way. However, I most certainly could achieve the power-house, built-like-a-brick-fortress look that most superhero males have with some concerted effort on my behalf. But there's nothing sexual about that; it's about strength, and it's about power, not about sex appeal. So no, super-buff men =/= equal sexually objectified.

But they call her a 'bitch' because they're bad guys

I'd be more inclined to believe this if the narrative didn't enforce the idea women are there as sex objects and men are there to have power. If men and women were presented as equals in the nerd culture world, then I could see that argument being made. Yes, it's fine to have "politically incorrect" villains; villains are supposed to be distasteful people (if that's what you're shooting for). But men and women are not presented as being on a level playing field. See my response to the one above; women are treated as objects, and men are not. The playing field is not level, and when the playing field isn't level, it doesn't matter whether they're bad guys or not. It's still offensive. Not only that, but odds, are you call her a bitch too, as a player.

But there are sexualized male characters, too, like... uh, Marcus Fenix is sexy, right? I don't know, I'm not a fag.

This is what I meant above. Scratch a misogynist and sexist and you find a homophobe. Still, giving this comment more respect than it deserves (the individuals who designed this used actual comments. Someone actually said this), the number of sexualized men can be counted on one hand (I can think of Nightwing in comics, and I have no idea who Marcus Fenix is), where as the number of sexualized women is endless. Really, I have difficulty thinking of a woman who isn't sexualized in nerd culture. It's like women serve no greater purpose than to be sexualized for nerd fantasies. Having one or two sexualized men does not change the fact that most, if not all, female characters are sexaulized and if they aren't, they will likely be so (see: what they did to Samus from Metroid). The problem isn't characters being sexualized. The problem is the fact that it's mostly women who are sexualized and objectified, and naming one or two men doesn't change that fact.

Girls who likes video games? You only have interests because you're not thin enough to have a boyfriend.

Sexism with a side order of fat shaming, to boot. You don't know anything about a person, you can't assume anything about a person, and this sort of comment is so hurtful it doesn't even dignify a response. This is the same attitude, in a misogynistic way, that creationists have. I say something that you can't respond to because it's so offensive or stupid or so stupidly offensive and then I high five all my other bros for shutting you up. Yeah, I win! I showed you what for, didn't I? Silly wimminz, thinking you can be interested in my hobby. I'll show you. How does this make you any different from the idiots who believe the world was created in six days and is only 10,000 years old? It doesn't. It's the same methods to derail the argument. Same thought processes. Same bullshit, different coat.

When I learn there's a girl interested in table top gaming I'm usually surprised. Not because of any preconceived notions about "oh, well, girls just aren't interested in it." No, I'm surprised that she's willing to endure all the shit that likely gets thrown her way by the misogynists and assholes who want to keep the gaming community white and male. It takes a lot of love for a hobby to endure it, and if you're still in the hobby despite that, you deserve an immense amount of respect.

How can it be sexist when REAL women in history were their husband's property? How can it be sexist when when women in REAL life are weaker and wear less clothing than men?

 Really? You're going to drag this argument in here? How can it be REAL history when you're dealing with things like time travel and magic? When your character is superhuman, and your game suffers acceptable breaks from reality like your character never having to eat, sleep for 24 hours, urine or defecate? When your knight doesn't get exhausted from walking around in the armor, or die from a heat stroke because you forget he needed water to survive? Or when he drowns, because swimming in full plate mail isn't something that we recommend - and furthermore, why the hell is your knight wearing full plate during the Crusades? They didn't have full plate until the 15th century, well after the Crusades had already passed. Fiction is not to duplicate real history or real life; that's not it's purpose. In literary circles, we have a term called "verisimilitude",  which is something all works regardless of genre should work to achieve. Verisimilitude does not mean "real life" - otherwise, there'd be no such thing as fiction - it means "real life-like." This is why we can have our acceptable breaks from reality. If you want to be a pendant about this shit, be ready for people to throw it back in your face. There's nothing REAL about your genre. That's not to say there's not truth to be found - fiction, while unreal, is often better at expressing real world truths than non-fiction is. If your willing suspension of disbelief can accommodate mages, time travel, and aliens, then it needs to be re-calibrated if it can't accommodate women characters who are independent. Furthermore, you're not even working from a real view of history that I recognize; depending upon era and location, this may or may not be true. Arguing about history you don't understand is no sooner recommended than arguing about how "TRUE AND REALISTIC" your game is because women are presented as slaves, especially not when the person you're pulling this shit on (in this case, me) is a history, literature, and English teacher.

Some women wear less clothing than men, some don't. And I'd love to see you say women are weaker than men to a body builder. Odds are, a woman body builder is a lot stronger than you could ever hope to be. things like that are generalizations, and they help nobody and prove you to be the sexist, ignorant and uniformed asshole we always knew you could be.

But it's not FOR women. If they can't deal with it, they shouldn't be here.

Why can't it be for women/marginalized people? Because you don't want it to be? That makes you the problem. And if you can't handle the fact that we're going to work to be inclusive, then maybe you shouldn't be here. See, the thing is, you are not the only member of society. Fiction does not belong to you. Our common heritage as a species, the stories we tell as a species, do not belong to you. You have no right, and no say, who can participate in what medium because guess what? You're not the owner of that medium. Humanity is the owner of that medium. And you're barring out 51%, if not more, and doing everyone a disservice. By bringing in more people, there are more stories to be told, more voices that can share from their own experiences, and more elements that can be added to the collective whole of the human experience in fiction. For you to pretend like the whole of this/these fictional media belongs to you and you alone is a criminal disservice to the entirety of humanity, because it cheats all of these voices out of their opportunity to tell their stories, and it cheats the rest of us out of an opportunity to hear those stories.

No-one gives a shit about this sexism stuff. I'm just here for the review scores.

Nice to brush of an entire percentage of the population by calling them "no-one." I am not a "no-one," I am "someone" and I care about this stuff. The fact that I care is enough, so you saying "no-one" cares is a lie. There are plenty of people who care, you're just not interested in hearing what they have to say, because you're a bigoted sexist. Therefore, you silence an entire population of people who care, because the things we say make you feel uncomfortable. And rather than deal with that dissonance, you brush us off and pretend that we don't exist. We do exist. And we are in your face. And you will get used to it, because we're not going anywhere anytime soon.

Men want to WATCH desirable women and women want to BE desirable, so no-one wants sexy male characters and gay characters.

The addendum to that is "gay characters unless they're lesbians", because once they're lesbians, it's all cool. And they have to have sex on screen, because lesbian women exist for no greater purpose than to titillate straight guys.

 There's that "no-one" again. I'm not a "no-one," I'm a "someone", and dismissing an entire population like that can be an effective way to silence people. I wouldn't mind seeing some sexy male characters - remember what I said above? I loves me some male eye candy, even if I wouldn't want to sleep with a guy or date a guy. The next problem, after the largest of the problems (dismissing everyone else's view point because yours is automatically correct - how not unlike a Creationist or Republican of you) is this idea that you can speak for all women. Not everyone wants to be desirable, and not everyone has the same standards of beauty. That's the thing about these fictional media - the standards of beauty are all the same. There's very little variation as far as what is and isn't considered beautiful. Why, you'd almost think that the men designing these women are doing it just for themselves, and justify it by assuming that they know "what women think" (which is bullshit. "Women" are no more a monolithic group than "men" are, and they're not a hive mind).

Like I said, I love eye candy as much as the next person. But when that eye candy becomes all there is to a character, and the women are presented as little more than fapping fodder, we have an issue. And because that's the way it's been for as long as I've been involved in nerd culture, it's time to step up and do something about it.

Yeah, the story, dialogue and character design are all sexist, but everyone can enjoy the amazing game play.

What this is really saying: "here, let me dismiss your claims of sexism by pointing out that I agree and then changing the subject to the game play, that way we don't have to talk about this anymore because I really, really enjoy this game and don't want to hear you trash it." This is frustrating as hell, because it's basically saying "shut up and enjoy the game; your concerns are not valid." A running theme in all of these is the dismissive attitude they present; I don't care what your concerns are, you're either a no-one because you disagree with me or your concerns aren't valid because of X/Y/Z.

If you didn't want attention for being a girl you wouldn't be using a female name in your tag or speak with a female voice.

So what do you do? Shut up and stay unnoticed. Because if you try to but into this man's world, then you'll get all sorts of unwanted attention and it will be your fault. This is identical to the victim-blaming that women who've been sexually assaulted undergo - in fact, what it seems to boil down to is "your problem is that you're a woman. If you fix that, then we'll be all set." Wanna do something fun? Start up a Facebook profile with a girl's name and put a picture of a pretty girl on there. Wait and see how much harassment you get, because you'll get a lot. It's horrifying and appalling. No, the problem isn't that she used a female name in her tag, or "spoke with a female voice" (Dr. Girlfriend, anyone?). The problem is that the young boys and boys pretending to be men haven't figured out how to control themselves yet, and as such, they lavish a lot of unwanted "attention" (read: harassment) on the player, and then blame her because they can't control themselves. This is burkha logic; she's not wearing the burkha because she wants to, she's wearing it because your stupid ass is making her. The problem isn't hers. The problem is the boys and the men; it's the males in the game. Get a diaper; if you can't control your sexual response to a woman then how am I to be sure you can't control other physiological responses, either?

She might play games, but she's not a REAL gamer, she's just attention whoring

And you're saying this as you feel the need to draw attention to yourself by saying it. This reminds me why I don't play games online; the hard-core gamer set who believe that they can define who is and isn't a gamer chased me off. This is an example of that mixed with a fair amount of sexism. Obviously wimminz don't play games (because we don't let them), so if you're a wimminz playing a game, then you're just attention whoring, because getting my attention and the attention of other guys like me is something you think about non-stop, because we're such cool menz. Never mind you might like the game, never mind you might be doing it because it's fun, or because you're enjoying yourself. No, you're doing it because I can't fathom a woman playing a game and it not revolve around trying to get my attention and the attention of other d00dz like me. If you can't see why this is so offensive (and you may not be able to; that's a tremendous ego there), then you should take a trip back to kindergarten to relearn empathy and playing well with others.

I am a feminist and love women because they are inherently too nurturing and responsible to play games.

Another theme that runs through all of these is the negative picture that they paint of men. Men are incapable of controlling themselves, they're not nurturing and responsible (in fact, no gamer is responsible if this is to be believed), the world begins and ends with our opinions and it's impossible to be comfortable enough in your sexuality to admit another guy may be hot without having to resort to using the word "fag". This stereotype is similar to the one that the Social Conservatives tried to use to keep women out of the armed forces. While don't you take a trip to Israel and talk with some of the women in their military and find out some more from there? Feminism is not "loving women." Feminism is "loving people for who they are", rather than building stereotypes and defining people through those stereotypes. Feminism is taking is taking the time and believing that people shouldn't be constrained by stupid stereotypes like this one. That's what feminism is. And being a feminist means you understand what feminism is. Clearly, you don't understand what feminism is, therefore, you're not a feminist.

As a woman, it doesn't bother me, so no-one else is allowed to be bothered by it.

My first instinct on these comments (that is, "I'm black, so obviously racism doesn't exist" or "I'm a woman, and I don't think there is such a thing as sexism and the patriarchy") is to call bullshit on them. That reeks of male privilege to such a degree I have to stop myself and remind myself that yes, women are capable of internalizing misogyny. Assuming it's a male is not sexist, although it isn't exactly the right response here. See, the key word there is that "no-one" and the idea that because it doesn't bother the speaker, it shouldn't bother anyone. Therefore, others have their opinions silenced. It bothers me. I am someone. I'm not sure how many times I can say that before it gets old, but I am someone, and therefore, my voice - and the voice of others like me, who are just as bothered - deserves to be heard. I don't have any problems getting my voice heard; it's the marginalized who have the difficulty getting their voices hear,  and it's their opinion that matters most, and with comments like this, it's their opinions that are getting shut down the quickest.

Everyone knows "sex sells," and the developers are just making things that sell.

No, not really. See, you're ignoring an entire block of people - 51% of people, if not more. If sex really sold, then game developers would be looking for a way to tap that block too with sex appeal. As is, they don't, because it's not sex that's being pedaled. It's privilege that's being pedaled. And privilege does not appeal to 51% of the population. I know this because only the women are heavily objectified. If they were truly interested in using sex appeal as a selling point, then the men would sexual fantasies for non-straight men and women, rather than power fantasies for straight men.

So no, developers are not "just making things that sell" based on sex appeal. They're making things that sell based on worldview privileged white male nerds, and this is what we've been trying to change all along.

Chainmail bikinis are unrealistic, but it's not realistic for a woman to be fighting anyway.

Really? Let me introduce you to Æðelflæd, myrcna hlæfdige, a tactician and strategist who fought back the Vikings and held her own in Mercia after her husband died, she helped build up Mercian territory and in 917 she helped conquer the Danish strong hold at Derby.

Or Nusaybah bint Ka’ab, who, after Muslim archers on her side during the Battle of Uhud disobeyed orders and deserted, entered the fight with a sword and shield. She went into combat and took 12 wounds, with the last of them - a cut across the shoulder - leaving her unconscious.

Or the Dahomey Amazons, a royal retinue of the king of Dahomey, which consists slowly of female warriors who are all feared and respected for their prowess on the battlefield.

Or Princes Zhou of Pingyang, daughter of Emperor Gaozu of Tang and the founder of the Tang Dynasty in China, who helped her father consolidate his authority of the land by building the "Army of the Lady", that won the throne from the Sui Dynasty.

In fact, let me just send you here, instead.

The problem isn't the chainmail bikini (although if you know anything about anatomy or have any empathy at all you realize that it'd be really uncomfortable really fast). The problem is that women wear this bikini in the same universe where men go into combat dressed in full platemail with imposing helmets and capes and wicked gauntlets - again, it's a male power fantasy enhanced with misogyny. If the men were wearing a little leather thong with as much skin exposed as possible, then there'd be some level of equality. But that's not how it works. So it becomes a problem.

The only reason a guy could have to care about sexism is so women think he's sensitive and want to fuck him.

*looks around* Nope. Isn't working. And you know what? That's not why I do it. I talk about it because it's a legitimate problem. Equality for women means equality for men. I want equality. Getting fucked has nothing to do with it. Trust me. The patriarchy and male dominated society fucks me over day in and day out with shit like "men can't control themselves, they have to stare at boobies" and "it's how men act!" No, it's not. It's an excuse, and I'm tired of getting tarred and feathered with it. So no, I'm not doing it so women will have sex with me. It's not working, if that's what it's supposed to be doing. No, I do it because I firmly believe in equality and fairness - something you clearly don't. If you want to think you're an insensitive troll living under the bridge to fucking Never-never land, be my guest. Me? I'm a human. I don't know about you.

There are women who get their genitals ritually mutilated and you're complaining about video game boobies?

No. The attitude that leads to FGM is the same attitude you have on display right now. By attacking your attitude and pointing out that it's unfair, and that it regulates the opinions of women to something lower than what they should be, I'm going after the same establishment and the same attitude to leads to FGM (in some cases). You may not ritually mutilate genitals. But guess what? The people who do have the same attitude towards women that you have. Now tell me again with a straight face it's not important to go after attitudes like yours. Come on.

And before you go off whining about how I said you participate in FGM - read the fucking paragraph (you can read, right? I'm mildly dyslexic and I've got some vision problems, so reading is hard, but that makes me all the more determined to do it). Your attitude is the same as their attitude. Women are less than me, their concerns don't amount to anything, and I can wave their concerns off by pointing towards things happening on a different part of the planet, so that way they stop harping on me and expecting me to do something.

Why should I care about this so-called "unfair" depiction of women when women have more rights nowadays and feminists are trying to destroy capitalism?

Way to get your talking points from Rush Limbaugh and FOX. Here, for that, you win the tinfoil hat badge. Be careful, the Illuminati are everywhere. Feminism isn't out just to destroy capitalism, we're out to destroy your capitalism. Which is apparently different, because as the current economic crises prove, capitalism doesn't need help destroying itself.

Women do not have more rights than men "nowadays". Women are still not treated equally - the fact that they're not is right there in your fucking face, every time you turn on the game. They still get paid less than men. They don't have equal reproductive rights. Only something like 14% of the total population in Congress is women, when they make up 51% of the total population. You're just as bad as a Creationist, really; can I have my answer phrased in the form of a question? I need 25 words to say "I'm too fucking lazy to care", in the form of a snide question. Go!

But I've suffered oppression too as a poor/Black/gay/nerdy/girlfriendless MAN. What about my feelings?

This conversation is not about you, sunshine. As a nerdy girlfriendless man I have no pity for you. I'm in the same boat but hey, guess what? I'm not a sexist asshole. I might trip along the way. But if I trip, I consider it a personal favor if people point it out to me, and I apologize for making my mistakes. So you have zero excuse, other than the fact that you're an asshole. And if you are, then just admit it. Stop trying to couch it, or pretend that you'd be a better person if a girl would just fuck you. Because neither is happening in your lifetime.

As a poor person, or as a Black or gay person, I understand that there is an oppression factor there. the Kyriarchy is an ugly thing, though; the fact that you have a penis gives you authority that you wouldn't have if you had a vagina instead. We need to sit down and listen to each other. You more than anyone should that. As a person who's mentally ill I know that listening is important. I want to make sure that other people get heard, so that way, I know I can get heard, and we can have communication. There is no communication in a pissing match.

You're the one who hates women. You're saying they can't be sexy and tough.

No, I'm not saying that all. They can be sexy and tough in the way men can be sexy and tough. The problem isn't that they're sexy or tough. The problem is that they're the exact opposite. Take a look at a comic book depiction of a woman. It's a joke. Oh sure, she can pick up a car, but more often than not she's putting on display the fact that she's got a cat's spine and looks like a supermodel strutting down the walkway. There's nothing tough about that, and arguably, there's nothing sexy either. The problem isn't sexy and tough. The problem is that these women are the exact opposite of tough and in many cases, sexy.

 But we have equality, there are nonsexualized female characters, like... Samus except when she takes off her suit.

Count the number of non-sexualized female characters. Now count the number of non-sexualized male characters. C'mon, count with me. One, two... three comes after two, you moron, not four And you don't get to seven because we're still on one hand. You can probably count the number of non-sexualized characters on one hand. You probably stopped counting the number of non-sexualized male characters after about the first 50.

That is the problem, because that is not equality.

 I was aware of this when I wrote The Blue Pimpernel, and it reflects in her costume design. There is no spandex. There's no thongs, no tight fabric, no vacuum-sealed costume. In many respects, she has the type of costume that's normally given to a male character, just like her friends do. I intentionally subverted this.

So you think female characters should be ugly and dress in burqas. 

That's a mighty fine strawman you got there. Be a shame if something... happened to it.

Where did I say that? Did I say that at all? Of course not. You put those words in my mouth, twisting what I said into something that's easier for you to deal with. It's so much easier to deal with someone who says women should be ugly and dressed in burqas than it is someone who says men shouldn't be so damn ugly and that women should probably wear clothing that makes sense given what they do. That women shouldn't always be the sexual fantasies of men. But I guess that's too much for your brain to comprehend; the intricacies of this logic are just too confounding, so have fun playing with your strawman. And keep your fucking yap shut in the future, because you clearly have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

But trash talk is normal on XBL. Women are just too sensitive to rape threats and jokes about masturbation.

If someone tells me they're uncomfortable, I stop. I respect that comfort zone. Two, Women deal with those threats (especially the threat of rape) every day here in the real world. Do you think it's funny to them to have to deal with a bunch of immature losers living in their parent's basement making their very real worries a sick fucking joke? The only sick fucking joke is you. That's right. I'm the language police. I would like a world where people didn't make light of something an extremely traumatic event. That's too much for you to handle, apparently.

This is not okay. Find a different way to trash-talk. A gender neutral way; it exists. What the hell do you think I've been doing to you this whole time?

It's just a game. No-one cares.

It's just a game, sure. But I care. So fuck you for telling me I don't matter.


What can we walk away from this with? Most gamers are privileged assholes who, like religious conservatives, are extremely resilient to change. They, like religious conservatives, have been talking the talk now for a few years about how they're open-minded; how gamer bois are enlightened and how they're better than the bullies that picked on them, but when the, like religious conservatives, pushed into walking the walk, it doesn't fan out.

So here we are, at an end-roads. We're making progress, because they're getting upset. It's only a matter of time before we break through, and shove them to the side. They, like the religious conservatives, will be on the wrong side of history. And they, like the religious conservatives, will also be left in the dust