Ah, Our Future Med Students...

I weep for our nation.

Trigger: Extreme misogyny. We're talking "What the Religious Right wants to say about women who take control over their own bodies but lacks the fortitude to say" levels here.

This fella is Ben Cochran. He's a Menz. Not a Mensch - that'd imply being an up-standing human being. No, he's a Menz. Not only is he a Menz, but he's got some raw, unfiltered, and undiluted words to share with women who, as near as I can place it judging from his tone, are having sex with everyone but him.

People go to the doctor when they’re sick.
If you’re a girl, sometimes you go to the doctor to get Pabst beer, or a pap smear, or
something like that.
What girl have you ever heard of that goes to a doc in the box for birth control? None of
them. They go to their gyno. It’s a matter of efficiency. If you have a lung problem, you
see a pulmonologist. If you have a heart problem, you see a cardiologist. If you have a cunt
problem, you see a gynecologist.

Whoo boy. We're firing off with those technical terms right from the git. Frankly, I a teetotaler and I always have been (knowing I was depressed kept me away from a lot of addictive stuff. It's part of the fact I freak out at the thought of not being able to control myself), but I'm sure some people wouldn't mind getting a Pabst beer from their doctor. Now, as for the fratboi mentality that confuses a Pabst beer with a medical procedure - well, let's just say you don't want to go drinking with the guy.

"You know you're an asshole if..."

Oh, yeah. He's also a nursing student. At Eastern Carolina University. I know, just when you thought we didn't have enough reasons laugh at the Carolinas, along comes this guy. To be a nurse. Can you feel the empathy? I can. And it feels like I need to take a shower, and it feels like I'll never get this slime off of me.

And his great problem?

So I’m sitting in student health the other day, sneezing my friggin eyes out and coughing up
green oysters wondering what in the name of great Zeus’s beard is taking so long. I’m just
trying to get seen and have this purulent mucus extricated from my hacking body.

Great Zeus' beard, people. He's spitting up mucus. And he's sneezing his friggin eyes out. And we wants to have that mucus extricated from his hacking body (because apparently it's his body that's doing the hacking, not his lungs and upper respiratory system.)

Also - why isn't he seeing a pulmonologist? It sounds to me like he's got lung issues. So check "not following your own advice" off the list.

Half an hour later, I finally see some movement stirring from across the waiting room. A
nurse exits with about half a dozen girls, all grinning from ear to ear, bubbly and giggly as if
they just scored their first alcohol purchase with a fake id. In their hands they carried what
seemed like a solid 36 month’s worth of birth control.
First of all, not even porn stars need that much birth control. Second of all, do you mean to
seriously tell me that I’ve been sitting here in misery for the last half an hour just so that this
gaggle of preemie sluts could get a free pass on harlotry?
Go read your Redbook in the lobby of a specialist while you get a mani as you wait to get
your hatchet wound inspected. Leave student health for those of us that are in actual need
of medical attention.

It seems like it, but he didn't stop to count.

"Hatchet wound." Calling a beautiful display of sexuality** and element of the human body a "hatch wound" pretty much sums up everything you need to know about this guy. But I'll continue anyway, just because.

I can't really count the ways this is hideously ugly. Just remember - all he's got is a damn runny noise and cough. He's making it out to sound like it's the end of the bloody world; I'm hacking up a right arm here, people! Doctor! Doctor! What the hell do you mean I'm "over acting?" Can't you see - I'm coughing up oysters. Not pearls - whole damn oysters, shells and all!

Yes, your hideously misogynistic ass sat there, as it deserves too, waiting in line for the people ahead of you to finish seeing the doctor. The world does not end or begin with you, you mucus-filled asswipe. They arrived before you. They didn't require your judgements. For all you know, she might have adenomyosis. You don't have the first fucking clue, so reserve your judgements, lest I start making mine about the literal mountain of repressed sexuality jumping from this page and strangling me. You are an ugly person, Mr. Cochran. And it shows in every way.

Look, this is a university—an ivory tower of academic prowess. We don’t need to be
handing out birth control left and right especially from an on campus location. This is a
bastion for the intellectually competent. If you find your talents to lend themselves to a
more base and carnal nature, perhaps this just isn’t the place for you.

I dunno. The fact they let someone like you publish this and haven't kicked you out of the program makes me wonder about this "academic prowess" you speak off. And like I said; the girl might have adenomyosis, and if she doesn't, it boils down to the simple fact that it's none of your business what gets handed out.

It's not a bastion for the intellectually competent - you're there.

"More base and carnal nature" - not only is he pissed off because girls don't have sex with him, but he's inverting it to make himself better! How cool is that? I can't get any because it's all their fault, and look at those sluts with their birth control, out to indulge in their "more base and carnal nature." You know, acting human, enjoying their lives, et cetera. If this doesn't scream "repression," just wait. The next part practically reaches out and grabs you, violently shaking you before repeatedly slamming your head into the screen while screaming "REPRESSED! REPRESSED! REPRESSED!" like some kind of twisted dalek or something.

According to Mr. Cochran, we should all be repressed assholes who are judgmental. Folks, I give you a future (if not current) Teavangelical. This is the kind of guy that gets caught in a closet a few years after he turns fifty with a blowup doll, two goats, and several unknown specimen while wearing a gimp suit.

I don’t take issue with sex mongers. They serve their place. Hell, according to the bible, it’s the oldest known profession on earth. So you sultry sex fiends are clearly established, but this is a place of higher being. Please take your gaping holes elsewhere for medical services, and leave the real health issues to those that actually belong on a college campus.

Hey. He's already got the Triage down - a Menz with a runny noise comes before women's reproductive health care.

I don't take issue - no, I've only spent the last few paragraphs kvetching about it. But hey, I gave Enigma something to brutally mock and make fun of, because it's not like I didn't deserve it or anything.

I don't take issue with men like Mr. Cochran. They serve their place. Being made fun of, according to the standards of an equal society, and kvetching about shit that doesn't concern them is the oldest profession on Earth. So you repressed freaks are clearly established, but that school is a place of higher being. Please take your gaping (pie)hole elsewhere for medical and educational services, and leave the real health and education issues for those that actually belong on a college campus.

I like that ending better.

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** I originally had "organs" there, but that didn't carry the connotation I wanted to, and listing them off - labia, clitoris, etc, would take too long, and wasn't what I was after anyway. I couldn't think of an accurate way to say what it was I wanted to say, so I just went with what I did. Excuse the flowery language (pun intended). Also, the penis is a very beautiful thing too, just so we're subject to full disclosure.