tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2862170131521435894.post5276975489188572483..comments2023-11-02T07:39:02.009-07:00Comments on Post-Modern Enlightenment: Human Black Box: Things Go Sideways (pt 5)Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2862170131521435894.post-59878499296000741882011-08-02T21:27:45.830-07:002011-08-02T21:27:45.830-07:00Bwah. Blogger is a pain. I had to go back into the...Bwah. Blogger is a pain. I had to go back into the HTML to change the color. <br /><br />Before I had to go into the HTML, I thought it would be better to keep her text cyan because it makes it easier to see against the background of my blog (red is difficult to see on my desktop, even harder on my laptop). Then I realized I had to go into the HTML to switch the colors, at which point I was in too deep because the HTML was doing really weird things to the color of the text and I had to go in there to fix it *anyway*, so I just plowed forward anyway.<br /><br />I've been told that's a male thing. It must be.Enigmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05365715172516356113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2862170131521435894.post-90701685425207207982011-08-02T19:50:48.193-07:002011-08-02T19:50:48.193-07:00Pthalo: One minor correction, though.
One? Well,...Pthalo: <em>One minor correction, though. </em><br /><br />One? Well, in any case, I'll remove that one from my list.<br /><br />[proofreader]<br /><br />Why has Chloe's Mesh voice changed colour? She was light blue before; now she's red.<br />(Reading further, it's a bit trickier than I first thought: Zira's now taken Chloe's original colour. Might be best to go back and make Chloe red from the start.)<br /><br /><em>At least these ones had their head. </em><br /><br />“Ones” is plural, so that should be “heads” to match.<br /><br /><em>She guessed it was turning off night; as she looked back outside she could see that it was becoming darker. </em><br /><br />I'm confused as to what “turning off night” is supposed to mean.<br /><br /><em>scanned the far hallway.She spotted a sign </em><br /><br />Space between one sentence and the next.<br /><br /><em>She spotted a sign, that looked like the entrance </em><br /><br />Unnecessary comma.<br /><br /><em>Double checking her clip, she started froward </em><br /><br />Forward.<br /><br /><em>Chloe looked back at her, and then a smiled flashed </em><br /><br />“And flashed a smile”, with no comma; this doesn't seem like the time for passive voice. (Or was it supposed to be Hotaru smiling?) Even if you were to use passive, it would just be “smile” with no “d”.<br /><br /><em>[What useful things can you do?] </em><br /><br />This is a brighter shade of red (at least on my set-up) than the rest of Chloe's Mesh text.<br /><br /><em>One engineer says; "God must be a structure engineer. </em><br /><br />Comma, not semi-colon. (Not sure if the comma is optional or not, but if you're going to put punctuation there, it should be a comma.)<br /><br /><em>looking around a the</em><br /><br />At.<br /><br /><em>scattered kitchen wears </em><br /><br />Wares. Actually, that doesn't seem like the right word either: "wares" connotates things for sale. Maybe a more general "scattered objects"?<br /><br /><em>Who else but a civic engineer </em><br /><br />Double space between “but” and “a”.<br /><br /><em>"We aren't alone."</em><br /><br />Which means she has even more reason to use the Mesh instead of air vibrations than she did before.<br /><br /><em>She went backwards the flashlights racing towards her and Hotaru, the attack getting the upper hand on her. </em><br /><br />“She went backwards, the flashlights racing towards her and Hotaru. The attacker was getting the upper hand on her.”<br /><br /><em>Chloe reached out and did something, she's not sure what. </em><br /><br />“Chloe reached out and did something; she wasn't sure what.”<br /><br /><em>she got a glimpse of her attack </em><br /><br />Attacker.<br /><br /><em>Now let's set down </em><br /><br />Sit.<br /><br /><em>who they happened to met </em><br /><br />Meet.<br /><br /><em>to their camp that they'd set up </em><br /><br />“Their” and “that they'd set up” both indicate possession; one is redundant.<br /><br /><em>Taki, who's wings could fold up </em><br /><br />Whose.<br /><br /><em>a Promethean.He said </em><br /><br />Lack of space between sentences.<br /><br /><em>waiting for us. so I'm willing </em><br /><br />That “so” shouldn't be there.<br /><br />[/proofreader]Brinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18034585577015417306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2862170131521435894.post-75995825945249792232011-08-02T18:44:29.128-07:002011-08-02T18:44:29.128-07:00Oops. I do believe you're right. Thanks for th...Oops. I do believe you're right. Thanks for the catch :)Enigmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05365715172516356113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2862170131521435894.post-14950433119088370352011-08-02T16:54:01.935-07:002011-08-02T16:54:01.935-07:00Liking it so far. One minor correction, though.
C...Liking it so far. One minor correction, though.<br /><br /><i>Chloe was walking, despite Ahmed having audibly broken her ankle back at the resleeving facility. She wasn't planning on saying anything though - she wanted to see if Chloe would notice, first. </i><br /><br />Wasn't it Hotaru that had the broken ankle?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com