Monday, April 30, 2012

Taking Bumpersticker Logic to New Lows

What... what the Jesus fuck is this? (Warning! WND Link)

I mean, sure, the language is English. The syntax, grammar, and semantics are generally correct. But boy howdy, whatever the hell is going on inside of this author's mind needs to be shoved away in the dark corner of a box, where nobody can see it.

I'm not even sure where to start here. I mean, I thought I knew all of the right-wing conspiracy theories. All of the stuff about the tin foil hats and the United Nations black helicopters, that Bircher-Communist crap, Birferism, FOX news being an actual news station - you know, the standard conspiracy hamster wheel that the right gets themselves mentally trapped in. I was wrong. I was oh so wrong...

The charming headline here should be a clue for what's ahead. It begins with "How did dinosaurs get miles under the earth?" Now, if it were a child asking me this question, I could empathize. To them, it's not a rhetorical question. When a child asks this question, it's because they genuinely want to know why what's likely their favorite type of animal wound up "miles under the earth." While we don't get into the complex nature of geology and plate tectonics, and the shift of the continents and the rise and fall of oceans and seas until much, much later, we can simply tell them "they were driven extinct and they were buried millions of years ago. That's why dinosaurs are miles under the earth now" and the child is usually content.

What a child asking this question doesn't do is pounce just them and exclaim "Ah-ha! You believe what reality is telling you, when really, I know the truth!"

And whoa is it some "truf".
The Bakken formation in North Dakota, Montana and Canada now is estimated to hold up to 4.3 billion barrels of recoverable oil, only it’s available primarily when the price of oil is above a bargain rate – as the oil is located miles deep and drilling costs are substantial.
So a new book about oil, “The Great Oil Conspiracy: How the U.S. Government Hid the Nazi Discovery of Abiotic Oil from the American People” by New York Times bestselling author Jerome Corsi, asks how did the dinosaurs that died and became part of those “fossil fuels” get to be tens of thousands of feet under the surface?
Once upon a time, I knew how to get comic sans as a font on this blog. I'll have to go back and see if I can figure out how to do it again, just for instances like this. Oh, and no. You didn't read that wrong. That's "abiotic oil" and how "the U.S. Government hid the Nazi discovery of [it]" from "the American People" thereby resulting in "the Great Oil Conspiracy."

There is a great oil conspiracy. It's the fact that about five oil companies have conspired for the last 50+ years to obtain a near total control over the market and, through lobbying, underhanded practices, and other seedy business deals, have managed to do just that. In some parts of the civilized world, that and their other practices get called "white collar crime." Here in the United States, we call it "capitalism."

But that's not the "conspiracy" that he's talking about. No, his conspiracy is the existence of UFOs (fuck you, relativity!) perpetual motion machines (fuck you, thermodynamics!) abiotic oil (fuck you, biogeology!).
That’s just one of the many questions addressed in the book that takes many traditional beliefs about oil – it’s finite, it’s made through the process of various life forms dying and decaying, and others – and explains that they are just wrong.
How do we know? From government documents.
Corsi explains that at the end of World War II, U.S. intelligence agents confiscated thousands of Nazi documents on what was known as the “Fischer-Tropsch Process” – a series of equations developed by German chemists unlocking the secrets of how oil is formed.
He reports when the Nazis took power, Germany had resolved to develop enough synthetic oil to wage war successfully, even without abundant national oil reserves.
This is stupid like whoa. Seriously.

Wikipedia also seems to be unaware of this conspiracy theory, stating this about the F-T Process:
The F–T process has been applied on a large scale in some industrial sectors, although its popularity is hampered by high capital costs, high operation and maintenance costs, the uncertain and volatile price of crude oil, and environmental concerns. In particular, the use of natural gas as a feedstock becomes practical only with use of "stranded gas", i.e. sources of natural gas far from major cities which are impractical to exploit with conventional gas pipelines and LNG technology; otherwise, the direct sale of natural gas to consumers would become much more profitable. Several companies are developing the process to enable practical exploitation of so-called stranded gas reserves.
More recently with further discoveries of natural gas and particularly unconventional gas such as shale gas in North America an over supply of gas has developed in North America. This has depressed gas prices. GTL is economically viable when the gas price is relatively cheap on an energy equivalency basis to oil. Stranded gas provides relatively cheap gas but GTL is now also potentially viable in North America provided gas remains relatively cheaper than oil.
But what really gets me is this outrageous notion that oil is abiotic. That's just not true. In fact, no fossil fuel is an infinite resource. All of them are non-renewable (which is a much better word than "finite", if not slightly untrue itself - we'll have new oil. In another few million years or so). Oil and other fossil fuels are carbon-based. This is basic science. This is science 101. This is like, "Brick, y u fall when I drop u?" Decaying biomass + pressure + heat results in different chemical structures; coal, natural gas, oil, and yes, even diamonds (which is what happens to coal when coal is really, really compressed). I'm trying to comprehend what the hell I just read, and all I can do is stare blankly at the screen.

I don't know a whole great big deal about geology. It's one of those sciences that just never piqued my interest; I know enough to get me by when I need to design alien planets, but that's it. I understand, however, that it's an incredibly important science just for purposes like this. This lie, this nutty, stupid conspiracy, is also incredibly dangers. Because, you know, it's almost like we didn't have enough problems in this country overcoming our oil addictions:
“The Nazis understood that oil is a renewable resource, and the U.S. government and Big Oil hid that from the U.S. public – fostering on an uneducated U.S. population the idea that oil is fossil fuel that eventually will be gone — the ‘peak oil’ theory,” he said.
But... but... everything else they do is EEEEVIL and therefore, anyone who even remotely aligns their views with them (that is, promoting animal rights, policies to ban smoking in public places to lead to a healthier population, and other nasty things like that - which also include, apparently, supporting gay rights and marriage equality, abortion, and everything else the Right disagrees with) are EEEEVIL (with four "e's", no less). Why is this any less EEEEVIL? It's too much to ask that these people at least be consistent in their applications of Godwin and Hitler Ate Sugar? Is it too much to ask that these people lay off the fucking duckspeak blackwhite at least once in their life?

This article is such utter bullshit that I'm not sure where to start. It's flummoxed me, and all I can do is rant incoherently about how stupid this is and why anyone would even remotely believe something like this. Although, honestly, it looks like this is even a bit much for the WND readers, who are calling the article on its BS (or it might be a few trolls - in which case, that's all good, too).

Still. Abiotic Oil.

I'm not sure what the next thing to come down the tubes is going to be, but good lord do I fear its arrival.


1 comment:

  1. Two words, Gentle Blogging-type person. Troll. Science.

    That's all it is. And the fact that anyone at all is going to believe, let alone buy this book, should be a one-way ticket to some kind of Brain-reconditioning, wherein you're taught the Basics of the Basics until you finally GET A FUCKING CLUE.

    Apologies for the swear.

    All I'll say is, Glad I'm British.