Thursday, February 2, 2012

Evoluted off the Island

I suppose I should be thankful that they at least call it "Evolution" rather than Darwinism, but this is like being thankful your dog dragged its ass across the hardwood kitchen floor, rather than the carpeted dining room floor.

You don't get points for doing the bare minimum required to sound intelligent, even if you're nothing of the sort.

I mean, what the hell? I expect high-quality, intelligent, intellectually stimulating literature when I go digging around WhirledNutDaily. Don't you? When I find something on that respectable bastion of intellectual insight like this, I can't help but comment. When you're barely meeting World News Daily's standards, something has gone really wrong. Like, grown adults in furry sex-toy studded rubber dinosaur suits wrong.

Bradley Dean has made a fool of himself before. He's some pastor; he's got long hair (like a hippy) and dares to call himself a heavy metal fan (It's not metal if we ain't burning churches. We gotta burn them churches. Once you've done that, get back with me. Then we'll talk about you 'being metal' because until the, you ain't even 'being metal-colored crayon'). He supported Michelle Bachmann for president - which alone should tell you something about him, because actions speak louder than words and when your actions consist of supporting someone who, frankly, didn't live in the same consensus reality we shared, you have problems - and is vocal, anti-gay. In short, he's the typical Republican, trying really, really hard to look 'edgy' and 'new'.

It's painful to watch these people try to do that.

So It shouldn't surprise anyone he knows jackshit about the Theory of Evolution. It also shouldn't surprise anyone that he's willing to happily put the fact that he knows jackshit about the Theory of Evolution on display, for the whole world to see.

It’s absolutely ridiculous that I would even have to take the time to expose the theory/religion of evolution (and theory it is), but when it affects the outcome of future generations, it must take precedence. Take a look with me at the absurdities of people who blindly follow its teaching.

It has been said, “The philosophy of the classroom in one generation will the be philosophy of government in the next.” When people fall in line with the theory of evolution, and with those like Adolf Hitler who kill millions and millions of people because they weren’t quite as evolved, it’s not only terrible, but also very dangerous.
It's absolutely ridiculous, but I love the fact you do, because it gives me something to make fun of.

Theory/Religion. It's like they can't tell the difference. Why, you'd think that they don't want to. It's like they saw the colloquial meaning of 'theory' - that is, a wild-assed guess - confused it with their own wild-assed guess and ran with it. The fact that they can't tell the difference says mountains about them.

I blindly follow it's teachings. That's right. I blindly follow reality. Shame on me. Maybe if I close my eyes and stumble around like an idiot, I'd be happier. People like Dean are why intelligent people are constantly mischaracterized as being unhappy. We're only unhappy when morons like him come around, because then we have to list to twit here talk with absolute certainty that he knows the truth, as is not written in a book several thousand years old - and in dire need of a copy-editor to fix all of those plot holes

Fer instance: compare: Genesis 1 to Genesis 2 - WTF happened to Adam? Why does God make him twice? Why does he make Eve twice? Why does God pretty much start all over again at the beginning of Genesis 2, when he had made everything from the ground up in Genesis 1? There's no explaining. There's no attempts to fill the plot hole, and I best guess is that someone just wasn't paying attention when they crammed those two stories together. You're just fucked if you take it literally, because you can't pull stuff out of thin air. The Bible doesn't say so. It just is. God created the world twice. And there's no explanation as to what happened to the first one. It's just gone. No explanation you can use, because that'd require you reaching outside of the text, thereby proving you don't take it literally. You lose. End of argument. Go home, cry, reevaluate your life and realize you've been lied to, and then get back with the rest of us who are just as pissed off as you are at the people who lied to you. And this is your first two chapters. One is all it takes to render the Bible little more than collection of stories. How you take those stories is up to you, but there's no way that book is the Literal Truth(tm). It wasn't even intended to be, and odds are, you never took it that way to begin with (see: cherry picking cuz Jesus said it was okay).

GODWIN! GODWIN! Ding-ding-ding-ding!

Godwin, first two paragraphs. That's pretty pathetic. C'mon, Dean! This is World News Daily! Don't they have any standards?! Have they sold off everything they stand for?! That fucker should've been right there in the goddamn title!
The theory/religion of evolution teaches our kids a mindset that God does not exist (idolatry – the oldest sin in the Bible); that there are no moral absolutes; that some men are better than others; and that we evolved from monkeys. Then we wonder why, after teaching evolution in schools, America has an epidemic of school shootings, suicides, violence, rape and crime.
If you can convince the people that God does not exist, then the government becomes god. Now what you are seeing today is the modern American government falling in line with the same theory/religion: Away with God and onward with tyranny. How contradictory to our founders!
How the hell is not believing in anything or worshiping anything idolatry? Also, that's something you folks should know an awful lot about. After all, worshiping one's own ego is the highest form of worshiping an idol.

And if you too can't tell the difference between an ape and a monkey, don't worry. I'll just sit here and wait for my tail.

Warning! The Theory of Evolution may not be for every society. Reported side effects include: school shootings, suicides, violence, rape, crime, abortion, 9/11-like events, earthquakes, hurricanes, fires, floods, volcanoes, women's rights, marriage equality,  god-hating atheist fascists, femnazis, Grammar Nazis, Semantics Nazis, vanilla Nazis, Illinois Nazis (everyone hates Illinois Nazis), Communist Nazis, Maoist Nazis, Liberal Nazis, Fascist Nazis,  Random Don't Even Belong in the Conversation Nazis, Left-leaning Nazis, Econazis, Political Nazis, Darwinist Nazis, Scientist Nazis, Russian Nazis, Chinese Nazis, Illegal Immigrant Nazis, Muslim Nazis, Peacenik hippie Nazis, God-hating-atheist-fascist-Fem-Grammar-Semantics-vanilla-Illinois-Communist-Maoist-Liberal-Fascist-Random-Don't Even Belong in the Conversation-left-leaning-Eco-political-Darwinist-Scientist-Russian-Chinese-Illegal Immigrant-Muslim-Peacenick hippie Nazis and sneezing (*phew*). If you experience any of these side affects, please consult a creationist immediately.

"If you can convince the people that God does not exist, then the government becomes God." There's a slippery slope ahead, look out! And it's been iced over thoroughly with the frozen piss of a piss-poor argument.

Without God, there is tyranny. You know, this makes just as much sense as anything else he wrote, so hey. Why are you batting at the low hanging fruit, huh? You people should feel guilty - look at the size of that stick; it's puny. Here, let me get a bigger stick for you. There we go.
Besides this, Charles Darwin himself didn’t believe his theory would stand up to the light of truth. He said in his book “The Origin of Species,” “If it could be demonstrated that an organ exists, which could not have been formed by numerous, successive, slight modifications, my theory would absolutely break down.” If that’s the case, Charlie, what is the basis for any of your theories? There isn’t one.
Actually, there's a bunch. You just have to open your eyes and see them.

One of the most common argument against the fossil record is the idea of a "transition species." That is, a species that shows traits of more than one species; for instance, it's widely believed that certain dinosaurs evolved into birds, so we would need a bird-like dinosaur to prove it. I wonder where we can get one of those. Of course, it's never enough - obviously it's not a true transitional specimen, because it doesn't show transition features. If it did, it would look like a pig mixed with an alligator. In short, they're basically demanding Zeno's transitional fossil. Those goalposts are really heavy. At least, that's my understanding of it.

When they're not claiming Satan's burying the fossils to deceive believers. Really. If I were god's better, and I had total control over the world, it'd come across as a serious waste of time to send out demons to bury a bunch of damn bones under the ground to deceive people into thinking at one time birds could eat them. That's just me, though; obviously I'm more competent than Satan because I don't even want to the job. I know I'll lose.

I suppose I should be thankful that Dean didn't mix up cosmology and geology into the argument.

All and all, I've seen worse. I've seen funnier. I've seen stuff that makes me want to move off planet. I've seen Texas.

Still, this is pretty bad. There's no substance at all to anything he's saying; he's just rehashing trite, old, and stupid arguments against something that has more validity than the theory of gravity. Which makes him look like a really big fool. And not the kind of Shakespearean fool, like Lear's Fool, who points out the foibles in the king and takes the king down a few notches in the middle of a raging storm for being such an egotist and failing to see his two oldest daughters are wretched vipers. We're talking the jackass peasant who thought it would be cool to rig the dukes' chamberpot to explode and got covered in shit when it went off prematurely.

But then, would we expect anything else from that bastion of ivory tower elite otherwise known as WhirledNutDaily?

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