Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Cinderella Sundays

World News Daily has an education part. I did not know this. The fact that I find it immensely hilarious suggests that I would've been better off learning this before, in that laughing derisively at stupid people building and beating on strawmen and losing to them lowers your blood pressure.

I am educated as a teacher. A secondary school teacher - with a major in English and a minor in history. One of the reasons I've been reluctant to come out and admit that is because I know that my posts are usually riddled with typos (I don't usually line edit before I post; I usually have just enough time to post and then fly away, catching any egregious error that Java didn't underline red by proofing it first). I am a certified teacher, though; I could step into a classroom today and with full confidence teach either of those subjects. I've done it before when I was working as a substitute teacher - I tend to run a very orderly, very structured environment that is usually teacher-centered. Not the best case scenario, especially since today student-centered learning is the big thing, I just don't have the management skills to handle 40 kids in a student-centered environment. I like to think this is less my problem and more the fact that there's 40 kids in the room, but that, and the majority of this paragraph, are not remotely related to the post.

Anyway, my point is this: I am a high school teacher, teaching grades 6-12 in English and history, although I've subbed/worked in K-Adult in every subject that you can imagine, from AP Calc (a scary experience considering the only maths I can do efficiently above basic math is geometry, and the only way I do basic math is by counting on my fingers) to Auto Body Repair. The fact that World News Daily has an "education" section is laughable. Coming from an actual teacher with more collective classroom experience than most anyone who would ever write for the WND "edjukashun" section - it's a fucking joke.

This article is a perfect display of that. No, it's not English. There's some history, but the majority of it is Science. Or, rather, "science", because if it comes from WND it's not just wrong - it's wrong approved by the "standards" of WND!

The author of a new book that shows how America is buying into Adolf Hitler’s belief system that there are human beings who actually are less than human is telling churches that are celebrating “Evolution Weekend” to go the rest of the way and also have a “Cinderella Sunday.”
Holy fuck, and that's a Godwin right out of the gate. That was like, 13 words. 14th and 15th words out of my mouth and onto this paper are "Adolf Hitler." But I'm still not impressed, because in any WND article about evolution, the Godwin needs to be right there in the goddamn title. Obviously you people have lowered your standards if you're publishing this tripe. Hell. There's not even a mention of Mein Kampf in the first paragraph. What's wrong with you people - your last article I ripped to pieces was like that, too. You're slipping Farah. Get your ass in gear, man, you're making yourself look bad.

Here, let me fix that for you:
The HITLER of a new ADOLF HITLER that shows how America is buying into Adolf Hitler’s belief system that there are human begins who actually are ADOLF HITLER less than human ADOLF HITLER is telling churches that are celebrating “ADOLF HITLER Weekend” to HITLER go HITLER the ADOLF HITLER rest ADOLF HITLER HITLER ADOLF of the ADOLF HITLER NAZI COMMIE HITLER way HITLER and ADOLF HITLER also HITLER, ADOLF have ADOLF HITLER a “ADOLF HITLER Sunday ADOLF HITLER.”
There we go. That looks more like a reputable WND article about evolution.

"Your first deadline's tomorrow. I want to see eight thousand words. Printable words. I still remember that essay you wrote when the Beast got elected. I do not want to see the word "fuck" typed eight thousand times again."

Royce is a superior editor.
“The only thing scientific about the theory of evolution is that it is science fiction,” said Ray Comfort, author of the new “Hitler, God, and the Bible.”

He was citing the Evolution Weekend event, in which churches advocate for the theory of evolution.

Its organizers explain religion and science simply “look at the natural world from quite different perspectives and ask, and answer, different questions.”
Hey, it's Bananaman Comfort, for whom I made "All Aboard the Failboat" a tag on my blog.

I'm all for this Evolution Weekend. I think that we need more celebrations of great scientific discoveries - especially ones like evolution, without which we would never have the genetic knowledge that we do now. Ones like evolution, that form a cornerstone of the entire field of biology and every sub-discipline under it. Ones like evolution, which have more scientific support than, you know, gravity.

Hitler, God and the Bible. Funny you should mention those three things, because "Gott Mit Uns" doesn't mean "Darwin is God" in German. Although, honestly, I hear there's little difference between this "Gott" fellow and "Allah." Perhaps they're really the same Pagan deity who eats infant babies and worships in churches dedicated to the religion of atheism. Goddamn that logic isn't just busted at the seams, it runs screaming away from reality for fear that it should become real and under go a process of annihilation upon meeting a real, sapient thought.

I'd call it virtual intelligence to keep with the running quantum theory/particle physics gag, like virtual particles, but that implies there's something resembling intelligence, even if it is just imaginary. So I'm afraid that, for whatever quantum of solace it's worth, the superstate stops here.

The Right-wingers love to trot out this notion that Hitler was an atheist or worshiped Darwin. No he didn't. Hitler wasn't likely a Christian either; like any totalitarian fascist, he used whatever he could do to get into power. You know, like the Republican party does now. And like the Republican party does now, he paid lip service to religion and stirred feelings of nationalism, and "purified" Christianity by adding Germanic elements to it. In much the same way that the Republican party has "purified" Christianity by fusing it with capitalism and the mythic origin of the United States.
Comfort notes that there are a few holes in the theory, and that perhaps “churches that are celebrating ‘Evolution Sunday’ this weekend … consider having other fairytale celebrations.”
He said when believers of evolution are pressed for evidence, “They can’t find any except bacteria ‘evolving’ into bacteria, and other ‘evidence’ that has to be received by blind faith.”
“All you have to do is ask them about the First Cause, where male and female came from, whether the first fish that came up out of the water (they believe we came from the oceans) had lungs or gills, and you will begin to get blank looks,” Comfort said.
He explains that Adolf Hitler was a “willing student” of evolution as envisioned by Darwin and actually put his beliefs into practice in what was called the “final solution.”
This is response to a news letter; you can read it over there or you can read it here. Save them the traffic. I figured that, for both copyright and space purposes, I'd just jump over something that made sense and dive right into the Bumper Sticker Logic as practiced by the one and only Banana-man Comfort.

Of course we're pressed for evidence. You people demand Zeno's Transitional Fossil. You're like a four-year-old who demands things exactly and refuses to accept it even when it is presented by yanking the goalposts back, and demand things that would disprove evolution to rational people. So we disengage from you, and you hike yourself up on the broken and old ass that you're pretending is a high and mighty steed to ride around town showing off your King's New Clothes. And you wonder why I regard you as so far below contempt I make fun of you.

I've given evidence. The thing about Comfort, and those like him, are that he refuses to accept it. He will shut it out, and then turn around and tell you that you have no evidence. "All Aboard the Failboat" is the kindest way I could think to describe any endeavor this man involves himself with.

The First Cause - which came first, the chicken or the egg - that is, where male and female come from, whether the first fish came up out of the water (that I believe came from the oceans; because, you know, oceanography and geology have so much to do with evolution) had lungs or gills, and I'll give you blank look.

Or, rather, I'll give you a couple of links and tell you to educate your own fucking self, because I'm tired of these same old arguments coming from a 40 year old moron with the mental acumen of pot roast and the scientific aptitude of a common house plant.

Comfort lies explains that Adolf Hitler was a willing student of evolution as envisioned by Darwin:
Guidelines from Die Bücherei 2:6 (1935), p. 279
1. The works of traitors, emigrants and authors from foreign countries who believe they can attack and denigrate the new German (H.G. Wells, Rolland).
2. The literature of Marxism, Communism and Bolshevism.
3. Pacifist literature.
4. Literature with liberal, democratic tendencies and attitudes, and writing supporting the Weimar Republic (Rathenau, Heinrich Mann).
5. All historical writings whose purpose is to denigrate the origin, the spirit and the culture of the German Volk, or to dissolve the racial and structural order of the Volk, or that denies the force and importance of leading historical figures in favor of egalitarianism and the masses, and which seeks to drag them through the mud (Emil Ludwig).
6. Writings of a philosophical and social nature whose content deals with the false scientific enlightenment of primitive Darwinism and Monism (Häckel).
7. Books that advocate “art” which is decadent, bloodless, or purely constructivist (Grosz, Dix, Bauhaus, Mendelsohn).
8. Writings on sexuality and sexual education which serve the egocentric pleasure of the individual and thus, completely destroy the principles of race and Volk (Hirschfeld).
9. The decadent, destructive and Volk-damaging writings of “Asphalt and Civilization” literati! (Graf, H. Mann, Stefan Zweig, Wassermann, Franz Blei). [transl. note: a derogatory term for writers dealing with upper middle class urban society].
10. Literature by Jewish authors, regardless of the field.
11. Popular entertainment literature that depicts life and life’s goals in a superficial, unrealistic and sickly sweet manner, based on a bourgeois or upper class view of life.
12. Nationalistic and patriotic kitsch in literature (P.O. Höcker!).
[Source for German text: pp. 143-144 of Strothmann, Dietrich. Nationalsozialistische Literaturpolitik: ein Beitrag zur Publizistik im Dritten Reich. Bonn: H. Bouvier, 1968. Translation by Dr. Roland Richter. Bold added.]
Hitler propagated the famous New Germanic Teutonic State Worship, in much the same way that the New American Christian State Worship takes the place for the Right here in this country. Furthermore, just to prove Hitler was a Godless Muslim Atheist Nazi Commie Fascist Liberal Pacifist:
According to the principles governing the compilation of this list, the following publications must be removed from public and commercial lending libraries:
a) All writings that ridicule and belittle the state and its institutions, or that attack or question its moral foundation.
b) All writings that attack or attempt to dissolve the order of the community of the Volk and its moral foundation, specifically those against the race and biological requirements of a healthy Volk (marriage, family, etc.).
c) All writings that ridicule, belittle or besmirch the Christian religion and its institution, faith in God, or other things that are holy to the healthy sentiments of the Volk.
That right there is the work of a truly brilliant atheist.

For my non-German readers or non-Germanophone readers, "Volk" means "Folk," but it's a collective term for people in general. When Hitler started speaking about Germany, he spoke about it terms of the Volk, or a collective of people for whom the country needs to be devoted too. To be a member of the Volk one had to fit a certain mold, believe certain things, and respect the proper authority. The Volk were first and foremost a collective, rather than a single individual, and they were willing to sacrifice themselves for the betterment of their ideal, their religion, and their country. Volk were not elitists, they were not educated, they were not wealthy - they were the blood and soil of Germany. You know, Volk.

And yes, Volkswagon does mean "Folk's wagon" or "Folk's car."
“The most famous of mass murderers said, ‘If nature does not wish that weaker individuals should mate with the stronger, she wishes even less that a superior race should intermingle with an inferior one; because in such a case all her efforts, throughout hundreds of thousands of years, to establish an evolutionary higher stage of being, may thus be rendered futile.”

“The institutions that embrace the theory of evolution need to come out of the closet and stop pretending to be Christian. Either we believe Jesus when He said, ‘In the beginning God created male and female’ or we don’t. Biblical truth and the fairytale of evolution are incompatible,” Comfort said.

Comfort explains that the attitude held by Hitler, that some people were less than human, is the same one adopted in the United States to support the massive abortion industry.
The "Abortion industry?" Where fuck did that come from? That was like a screwball out of right field - the anti-logic hit-and-run. By abortion industry, I imagine he's feeding into that belief there's this massive industry that impregnates woman for the sole purposes of giving them abortions. Or something.

I can't even touch that strawman. There's so much fail packed in that thing I'm afraid it's contagious. First, embryos and zygotes are not people. Second, fetuses are not people. Third, it's not a person until it's born. There is no "moment of conception" because conception is a process with no clear beginning. There is no "massive abortion industry" in the United States because in most states, women can't even get abortions because they can't afford them. This is a baseball bat of hypocrisy and doublethink; they didn't just set the bar low, they picked it up, beat logic to death with it, pissed on logic, and then threw logic out with the bar.

And where the fuck did abortion come from?! What the hell does that have to do with anything?

"An evolutionary higher stage of being..." Yo, Banana-man - protip: Pokemon is not how evolution works. Evolution has no goal. Natural Selection has no goal. Whatever survives survives. It propagates, and becomes the new norm. We're getting to the point where we can turn evolutionary into a participation sport, true, but up until this point, it's been a game of survival. If you can survive and spread your successful, surviving genes, guess what? You played and won! Just like there's no clear purpose behind you're rhetoric beyond appealing to idiots, there's no clear purpose behind evolution beyond "survive and propagate."

We we do or we don't. There is no in between. Either wear polyester or we don't, there is no medium. You either believe one or the other, but you can't, you know, wear wool. Jesus said it, therefore, we follow it. You know, unlike the thousands of other things he told us to do that we willfully ignore.
In the documentary (180), he takes his video camera to the streets and asks what people knew about the infamous German tyrant and mass murderer. He returned shocked – with footage of 14 people (mainly university students) who didn’t have a clue as to who Hitler was. When he posted the movie on the Internet, it received 2.1 million views in just over three months. Since then, hundreds of thousands of copies have been both sold and given away.
Oooh -  a total of 14 people, who were university students. I'm so totally impressed you could find 14 people in a nation of over 100 million who didn't know who Hitler was. Obviously these were not kids into modern video games like Call of Duty of any millions of games set in World War II. I can find plenty more who couldn't place their own state on a map. What's your point?

Actually, I am rather surprised. It's vaguely reminiscent of a Chick Tract -"Deeeerrrrp WHO IS JEZUZ?" But I'm willing to believe it. After all, we do such an efficient job educating our children anymore.
“In recent years biologists have deliberately distanced themselves from that phrase and instead used ‘natural selection,’ because ‘survival of the fittest’ is easily linked to Hitler’s killing of the weak and letting the strongest survive. Atheism almost always embraces Darwinian evolution, which would have people believe that they are merely animals, and that there are no moral absolutes. I have been going to universities and challenging students to convince me that evolution has a scientific basis. No one can offer any proof, because Darwin’s evolution is scientifically baseless. All they have are theories that have to be received in blind faith,” he said.
And there's that doublethink/hypocrisy baseball bat again.

Nobody can offer any proof because dumbass doesn't want any proof. It's amazing what you can do when you cram your fingers in yours and scream "LALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU."

Sigh. Idiot talking about something he has no idea about. Bananaman doesn't just come from a different continent -he comes from a different reality. People are animals. Acknowledging that makes life a little bit better. There are almost no moral absolutes, although I'm pretty sure that if you poked me hard enough, you could find that I take a few absolute positions on morality; the Golden Rule and "Don't be a Jackass" being the two largest ones, and while I'm willing to tolerate any cultural custom no matter how weird, then minute that custom becomes something you use against other people to hurt or cripple them or restrict their freedoms, the minute you hit that line. But then, to know this would require Bananaman to move beyond that rhetorical steel-trap he got his head caught in and see the rest of the world.

Survival of the fittest - boy, that's got to be their favorite phrase, doesn't it? Also, because, you know, idiots never misused the word "fittest" in that sense, or the fact that it's somewhat vague and gooey, where as natural selection gives you a clearer idea what they're talking about, right? Right?

So, really, more fail from the Banana Man and WND. I can't say I'm disappointed, though; it's always interesting indulging them in their Bumper Sticker Logic. The only disappointment to me is that they didn't use the Godwin in the title. That makes me sad. Next time, WND, next time.


3 comments:

  1. I always figured "Thou shalt not kill" was a pretty clear Moral absolute. And of course the Carlin Commandment, "Thou shalt be Honest and Faithful always".

    And yes, "Thou shalt not commit Dickery" is a good one.

    Too bad that so many idiots fail through poor education and unwillingness to move with the times. Though having said that, I'm kinda attached to keyboards, my handwriting was always atrocious. ;)

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